Thursday, October 1, 2009

what do we want?! "NO WHITE PLAINS!" when do we want it?! "NOW!" hall of fame blog, part four...

a bunch of my coworkers were talking about the hall of fame last night, which fed a truly funny "what's the stupidest thing you've ever heard?" conversation. among my favorites was the woman who, upon reading the "slow down, get ticket" sign in a parking lot, said to her husband, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DON'T SLOW DOWN! YOU'LL GET A TICKET!"

but the story that really got me was the one about my coworker whose daughter got lost when she first started driving. she needed to get onto route 287 in order to wind up in white plains, passing through north white plains in the process. she was on the right road, but suddenly got turned around after reading a sign that she couldn't figure out. after many miles in a bunch of different directions, she called her mom and said, "i don't understand it! i'm supposed to get onto 287, but when i want to take that exit, it says, 'no white plains'!"

her mom paused, and, as only a mother could, quietly responded, "honey...? NORTH white plains. the 'N' and the 'O' is their way of abbreviating the word... 'north'. NORTH white plains, sweetheart. that's what they're telling you. it's... (sigh) it's not a protest sign, dear, would you please drive home safely?"

no white plains! lol, that killed me! as if they were saying, "well, look, we'll be honest with ya. we don't know where the heck white plains is. but we know it's definitely NOT down that way. so... don't go there if you're looking for white plains. no, you'll be lost in a hurry. but... y'know, you can pretty much get to anywhere else you want to go, if you take that exit. just not white plains. if you want to go to, say, hawthorne? or bedford? or chappaqua? or france? oh yeah, you can take that way, sure. but, white plains? mm, our best answer would have to be no... no white plains."

and now to the hall of fame, part four...

"and on this farm he had a kitty. e-i-e-i-o. with a moo! moo! here, and a moo! moo! there..."

"it's just a consultation prize."

"a wireless mouse is a mouse without a wire."

"this is pumpkin... from a pumpkin."

"i try to put myself in his feet."

"we need to find a cure for world peace."

(while speaking of a former coworker who was in the habit of being rude on a semi-regular basis)...
smart lady: "she is literally getting away with murder!"
me: "well... no, not literally."
smart lady: "yeah, well......... no, not literally."

"...but that's not going to happen for another 10,000,000 years. which isn't in our lifetime."

"no, it's only an obstacle illusion."

"are there 500 days of summer?"

"today is september, twenty the second."

person A: "did you ever see 'the goonies'?"
person B: "yeah, is that the one with all the gremlins?"
person A: "no... that's 'gremlins'.

"how many states are there? 52...? 51...? ...53...?"

"washington d.c. --that's not a state, is it?"

"is seattle a state?"

"sometimes we trip when we fall down."

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) that i don't live in a state with street signs that say, "exit 42: this is NOT the way to belgium".
2) hockey season JUST started! go flyers!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) that i work with toddlers, and not preschoolers. stopped into a preschool room for a minute this afternoon, and had this conversation with a 5 year old...

she: "i like your glasses!"
me: "thank you, sweetheart!"
she: "why do you wear glasses?"
me: "so i can see stuff better!"
she: "you have a biiiiiiiiiig, big belly!"

...and then i kicked her in the shin.

no, no, no, i'm kidding, i didn't kick her in the shin! (probably)

4) m. ward
5) zooey deschanel

song of the day...
"you really got a hold on me" by she and him

movie of the day...

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