Thursday, October 29, 2009

the worst umbrella ever stolen...

so, they were passing out free umbrellas on the train two nights ago!

well, no. i mean, somebody left their umbrella on the train two nights ago, but i went home with it for free.

i was pretty happy about that, actually, because i'd previously been walking around with the second worst umbrella in america. it was so small that it just barely kept me dry. my friends were always making fun of it, but i'm pretty sure they were only envious of how little i paid for it.

"ryan, you look ridiculous carrying that thing around!"
"uh, again, three bucks! jealous?"
"uh, again, no. and it was three bucks because it's a child's umbrella!"
"you're crazy."
"ryan... it has dora the explorer on it."

i had high hopes for the new umbrella, but it turned out to be the third worst in the nation. i'm telling you, THE tiniest, little hint of a whisper of wind was enough to turn it three different directions of inside out.

picture a 98 year old smoker struggling to blow out the candles of his stale, store-bought birthday cake, and you'll get an idea of how faint the wind was yesterday. leaves? feathers? tumbleweeds? motionless. and, still my new umbrella went ape shit.

it was as if my umbrella saw itself as a some sort of performance artist. FA-LOOF! "now i am an endangered eagle." FA-LOOF!!! "and now i am a twig." FLOOF-AH, FLOOF!!! "and now i am healthcare reform." FLOOF, FLOOF, FLOOF!!! "and now i am a killer squirrel."

urgh, bad day. i mean, i don't know what it is about inside out umbrellas, but for some reason, it's pretty high on the list of public embarrassments. right up there with falling on your ass, and walking into a parked car... or, maybe that's just me.

either way, i think i'll "accidentally" leave something on the train tomorrow morning.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) it didn't rain.
2) i saw the michael jackson movie this afternoon! LOVED it!
3) i gave up on 'flash forward' a few weeks ago, but i'm still really digging 'community' and 'modern family.'
4) hey, turns out handbell IS a really good friend of mine. and she sent me the rush limbaugh transcripts, so, i'll have an update on that whole bit sometime next week.
5) in case you were wondering, the WORST umbrella in america belonged to my dad. he bought it several years ago, when the push-a-button-to-open-your-umbrella technology was in its infancy. we walked out of some restaurant and when the button was pushed, the thing just kept going. we watched it for hours. kind of a nice moment, actually. we just stood there like a couple of awe-struck tourists at cape canaveral. he put his hand on my shoulder. and then we walked home in a downpour. underneath a stick.

nasa still calls him from time to time with updates. last he heard, it was somewhere over cleveland.

song of the day...
"soon it's gonna rain" by mandy patikin and kristen chenoweth

movie of the day...
"reign over me"

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