Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dan Quayle...

Yesterday, when the subject of the correct spelling of the word "potato" came around, i naturally mentioned the name Dan Quayle. To which my coworker said, "who is that?"

I asked if she was kidding, and, after about six and a half minutes and a coupla dozen odd looks, she convinced me that she wasn't. "He was the vice-president under the first George Bush," i said, expecting to hear her say something like, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! DAN! I thought you'd said STAN Quayle!!!"

Instead she told me, "Yeah, i don't remember that time period. I was, like, five."

I have never felt so old in my entire life.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) in her defense, jimmy carter was president was i was five, and i have no idea who his vp was.
2) last night's mystery is solved! the soda guy didn't apologize to me because he apprently had similar plans to do the same thing. he had company over. but, thankfully, they only kept me awake until 10:45ish...
3) oh, the days when i was able to sleep in until noon.
4) spiro agnew? was spiro agnew the vp under carter? the only thing i really know about him is that you can rearrange the letters in his name to spell "grow a penis."
5) potatoes.

song of the day...
"settle down" by earthnut

movie of the day...
"all the president's men"

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

late night phonecalls...

The soda guy kept me awake for a few late evening hours last night. At first it was wrestling. He was watching wrestling. With the volume turned up reeeeeeally loud. Nice of him to have turned it down after an hour and a half, but i was still kept awake with the thought of why a grown-ass man would actually be watching wrestling.

Around 11:30 he got a phone call. It was about a check worth $531.82. I'm quite certain about the amount because he repeated it twenty-seven times directly in front of our tissue-paper thick shared wall.

The thing that really gets me about the whole night is that i've talked to him about this type of thing before. I mean, i don't want to be a jerk, but i have to wake up at five o'clock in the morning, so... i don't think it's all that unreasonable to ask him not be on the phone after 11. Especially in the age of texting and email and carrier pigeon. And, he agreed.

And i know he agreed, because i was there when he did it. The next day he apologized up and down for being such an inconsiderate person. And he did so in such a way that made me feel guilty for being such a light sleeper, for snoring every now and then, for having to wake up so early in the morning to catch my train and do my hair.

He really went out of his way to say he was sorry. But that was a few months ago. And the late night phone calls have been something of a bi-weekly routine since then. And last night, he was on the phone until 11:50.

At that point, I finally got on my bathrobe and told him, again, that i was tired and needed to get some sleep. And again, he apologized and quietly got off the phone.

And, of course, all day, i've been dreading coming home because i knew he was going to apologize again, and, frankly, i just didn't want to hear it. Because, y'know, it wasn't sincere. It wasn't a case of him not knowing the situation, it was a matter of him choosing to be a jerk. I mean, there is just NO way on earth he didn't know he was keeping me up. He just didn't care about it. So, i didn't want to hear any of his lame excuses.

So i'm home, and all i'm thinking is, "urggggh, he better not apologize to me, he better not apologize to me, he better not even THINK of apologizing to me..."

He walks out of the bathroom and says "hey," and i'm thinking, "here it comes. He better not say anything, but here it comes. Dude, i am gonna let you HAVE it! Yo, man, you don't want any of this, so you better keep your mouth SHUT! Don't you dare apologize to me, you ARSE!"

"Looks like the rain has finally let up," he says.

"Yeah, finally," i said.

I was chuckling when i said it, but underneath, i was thinking, "don't you do it, man, don't do it. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna get into this with you, man. you better not apologize, you better not apologize, you better not...

...okay, well, you walked into your room... and you closed your door, but you better not come back out here and apologize.....

...eventually... any minute now...

because i know you're gonna come back out here and say you're sorry, but we both know you don't mean it, so.... you better not............. better... not........

...sonofaBITCH, he didn't even apologize to me!!!!!"

Gotta be careful whatcha wish for, i guess...

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) the other day, i saw a disheveled looking middle-aged guy walking down the street in a beat-up "GROOM" t-shirt that was now two sizes too small for him. And dragging herself behind him was a woman who seemed to be throwing eye-darts at him, hoping to magically bring to life the phrase, "if looks could kill." Sometimes, i get a little sad that i'm still single, but at least i'm not THEM!
2) i unintentionally solved an argument yesterday at the train station when i bought my monthly pass. i'm not sure what was going on exactly, but two strangers looked right at me when i retrieved my ticket and the one woman pointed and said to the other, "SEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" glad to have helped.
3) one of my toddlers told me the other day, "ryan, your kisses are YUCK!" ...i didn't completely fall in love with that, really, but i did think it was pretty funny.
4) FREAKY!!! my iPod was randomly shuffling through songs last week, and played "until the end of the world" by U2 and R.E.M.'s "it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)" back to back. Can't remember what the next tune was, but i do know it was by death cab for cutie, which, truthbetold, also freaked me out a little bit.
5) sincerity.

song of the night...
"late in the evening" by paul simon

movie of the night...
"man in the moon"

Monday, March 29, 2010

Why should i talk about Sean Hannity?

I wanted to blog tonite about sean hannity, the fox news guy. And i knew what the basic premise of my posting would be (i think he's a dick), but i couldn't really think of anything else to say about it. Which is good, i think, because i quickly remembered that i'd much rather focus on positive things.

The other day, i posted a CNN link on my facebook page about the recent threats made on democrats. Bricks thrown through windows and whatnot. I was so furious about it, but, in less than two hours, my attitude was completely turned around. i felt really good about things, in fact. Nothing groundbreaking happened, not much in the world had changed. Just a conversation, really. Comments made on the bottom of my fb link. Here's a sample of what was said (very, very much edited, because we are incredibly long-winded. Especially me.)... (oh, and names have been changed to protect whatever...)

"KAMI: hmmm. That is disappointing. While I am totally against the [health care] Bill and the people who voted it into law, violence is not acceptable. That being said, I guess it's pretty clear that people are VERY riled up over this, which should raise the question of whether or not our reps voted in line with the majority of the American people. I don't think it should ever come to the idea of enough is enough, we should all continue to debate this, however, violence should not be an option. These folks do not represent me even if we agree on the issue. You're always going to see extremes and it would do us all well to remember that this is not representative of all the people opposed to the bill. Thanks for posting the article, I had heard some rumors here and there so it was good to read about it!

ME: hey, kami, i'm glad you wrote that, because i should clarify what i meant by "enough's enough." I think EVERYONE has the right to express their opinions on this matter. If you think the bill is wrong, by all means, shout it from the mountaintops.

But, there are far too many people who are doing a lot more than shouting. I'm including in this, obviously the brick throwers and the vandals, and the people who make cowardly, threatening phonecalls in the middle of the night. But i also include the people who incite such things. The chucklehead who blogs about throwing bricks "before the next step (gunfire) is taken". Sarah Palin, with the target signs on her website. The republicans holding up the "dont tread on me" flag out the window, showing support for... who exactly? who did they think they were encouraging?

i dunno... BUT, anyway, thank you for being one of the level headed people! LOL! i know you're one of many! but the freaks seem to be, if nothing else, loud. that's probably the main problem, huh?

KAMI: I think it has a lot to do with the media coverage of the extreme people out there. I actually like the Don't Tread on Me flag.:) Really people need to stay on point whatever the view is. I think it's a shame that these people even get coverage, not because I'm afraid of the association they have with the Tea Party, which I'm a great fan of, but because these crappy folks whether they are libs,conservatives,Dems/republicans shouldn't get the coverage. They only have as much power as we give them. Tea Partiers should dismiss these folks completely. So should everyone else, they don't deserve the attention. Now, if these people were practicing civil disobedience or something like that, I could see it. But they're not. I've been to lots of Tea Party websites and all of the ones I have seen promote civil disobedience and NOT violence, which I think is fine and acceptable.

BEN: So, wait, do the people who support the bill have to scream and throw bricks and threaten legislators and their families and promise to keep their guns loaded to express their pleasure that it has passed? Just because a majority of the people shouting are against something doesn't mean that the majority of the people are against it.

I guess I could have blogged or marched to help represent the "pro" side of this, but I don't get time off work for rallies.

(Also, the irony that the anti-government "bricks through windows" guy lives off social security just blows my mind. What is he supposed to be? A socialist libertarian?)

KAMI: lol @ Ben. Truly funny! It's tough to support something you believe in. I hopped on a train to the city after working a very long day to go to the protest, and believe me I was exhausted. I guess we all do what we can, in an economy like this one right now, it is VERY difficult to do anything more than blog or FB about it.

I do have to pick at one thing you said though...if the guy is living off of his social security I don't know that its an issue. The bigger question is whether or not he worked all of his life paying into that fund. Just a thought.

And just to clarify my reference to the majority of the American people, I was basing that on a recent poll showing disapproval of the methods used to pass the bill, that being said, another poll shows 55% of the americans polled on the bill apposed it. (not sure if that's what you were responding to but figured I would throw it out there) I suppose November will tell the real story, no?

BEN: Points taken. (Odd how this can work with nobody shouting epithets or throwing rocks.) And I freely admit that both sides have more than their share of wingnuts distorting the issue. Unfortunately, that's what makes good TV, where the boundary between "news" and "entertainment" has all but disappeared.

I'll stipulate that "brick window man" may have paid into Social Security, but I have to wonder where his principles and threat of armed rebellion were during those years when he was working. Perhaps he went on a decades-long window-breaking spree. In any event, he seems totally cool with this sliver of socialism now. It's impressive that he's dedicated enough to advocate escalating violence -- so long as his checks keep coming.

As for polls, it's funny how both sides always manage to produce polls to back their position. Of course, we usually just get a boiled down number that doesn't take into account qualifying factors, like: How were the questions worded? How were they asked? What was the sample size? From what area(s)? What age group(s)? What economic bracket(s)? What group was PAID to run the poll? Do they have a conflict of interest?

Case in point (from a "pro-health care" poll, just to show how the spin cuts both ways): USA TODAY/Gallup says more citizens now approve of the bill. But "more" meaning a plurality, not a majority (49% pro vs. 40% con). And many of those polled just called it a "good first step." So they approve of the "idea" of the bill more than the bill itself. And the sample size (1,005 adults???) can't possibly represent a fair cross section of a nation with a population of 308 million or so. (Though, we may never know the exact population thanks to those who are protesting "socialism" by boycotting the census. Hopefully those neighborhoods won't need money for public schools or police or fire departments for another ten years.)

But you're right -- the nation will speak in November. Hopefully with ballots rather than bricks. :-)

KAMI: Very good and valid points about the polls. And I am always amazed at people for what they consider is the news. I'm a journalist and sadly much of the media today can be chalked up to a form of "infotainement". lol @ the brick throwing spree comment! And you are right, hopefully its with ballots not bricks!

ME: whenever i hear Ben argue a point, i totally feel like casey affleck in 'good will hunting' -- "my boy's wicked smart!" except, i have to tell you... once, back in high school, Ben and i were talking about star wars, and i said chewbaca was more bad ass than boba fett, and he threw a brick at me.

KAMI: LOL! Listen I just wanted to add a thank you to you guys. Even though we disagree on the topic it's nice to discuss it without people getting all crappy and insulting! I have a friend who is very far to the left and when I post things he will comment, which I don't mind but it always seems to turn into this big argument that gets as far away from a debate as humanly possible. I am all for people posting stuff on my page if they see something they feel they need to comment on, this however was refreshing and doesn't make my brain melt. So Thanks!!!!! And I'm sorry, but Chewy is def. more of a badass! I'm taping up my windows now. :D

BEN: Sheesh...awkward... Anyhow, perhaps I should point out that while Fett was the embodiment of capitalism in its purest form, Chewie was a left-leaning tree-hugging anti-government socialist. So go ahead and back Chewie. If you hate America."

Can you imagine? People with different opinions coming together for an actual level-headed conversation. And i know nobody changed the world, that's not what i'm saying. But it felt good to get all that anger off my shoulders. I slept well that night.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) BRAND NEW iMAC!!!!!!!!! i am so completely digging this!!! Makes me feel like Tom Cruise in 'minority report'. Will probably never go back to pc again.
2) Finished book number FIVE today!!! Donald Miller's "A million miles in a thousand days". Absolutely brilliant. i really loved it.
3) Inspired by said book, i think i'm going to take a little road trip soon!!! pretty excited about that!!!
4) Maybe sean's not a dick. Maybe he just plays one on tv...?
5) Conversations with good people.

song of the night...
"break the circle" by fleming and john

movie of the night...
"greenberg" ...i saw this over the weekend, and really loved it. Best thing i've seen all year.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Devin Nunes...

Rep. Devin Nunes from California. What a prince.

I'm going to be honest with you, I've been sitting here for the past hour, trying to come up with a clever way to address what happened yesterday, but, y'know, I just don't want to be clever. Not about this, anyway.

In case you haven't heard, a bunch of tea party chuckleheads showed their true colors by shouting the N and the F word at a small handful of congressmen. And, when he was asked about it, Nunes came to the defense of these people. Freedom of speech.

I mean... look, I'm an independent. But, it's like the Republicans are TRYING to persuade me to join the Democratic party! Or maybe the Democrats have planted spies in the Republican aisle to fuck everything up on purpose...? The spies are just sitting there waiting to do and say the exact wrong thing in pretty much every situation to make the real Republicans look bad, maybe...??? I mean...

Sorry. That might have been clever.

Here's all i really want to say... If i was walking down the street with some of my African-American, and/or my homosexual friends, and some yahoo shouted out the N or the F word?!?!?! ...the last thing i would say is, "well, y'know, let's calm down, folks; freedom of speech."

There's a time and a place for everything, Nunes. And yesterday was not a time to talk about freedom of speech. It was a time to call ugly ugly. Plain and simple.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) health care reform.
2) health care reform.
3) health care reform.
4) rain today, but this was a beautiful sunny weekend!
5) health care reform.

song of the night...
"untitled" by the cure

movie of the night...
"do the right thing"

Friday, March 19, 2010

Could have gotten my ass kicked today...

Had an interesting walk to the train station after work this afternoon. First, i fell into a hole. Which i'm not in a great big hurry to talk about, because, well, contrary to what you may have heard, it's actually somewhat difficult to look cool while walking into a hole. Plus, i'm pretty sure the noise i made sounded a lot like the way Leonardo DiCaprio called Johnny Depp "Gilbert" in 'What's eating Gilbert Grape'. Which is also, as it turns out, not very sexy.

So, let's move on to something a bit more heroic.

About ten minutes after the hole incident, i was crossing a street next to a graveyard when i noticed the expression on the face of a woman in a red car. She looked to be zoning out, lost in thought, until the dude in the truck behind her shook her out of it. He sat on his horn, flailed his arms about, and screamed at her. Something like "get yer car and ass in gear, dammit!"

I felt so bad for this woman. I mean, she was staring off into space, but also staring at a graveyard. Maybe someone close to her had just passed away, or maybe she was recently diagnosed with something terrible, i don't know. Whatever she was thinking, this guy could have been a lot more patient. It wasn't like they were there all day. The blaring of the horn, the flailing arms, the shouting-- it was all a bit much.

So, i looked him straight in the eye, and-- as if i was the guy who invented the once-popular 'mean people suck' bumper sticker-- i told him, "hey, don't be an asshole!"

It was at this point when i noticed that his shoulders were actually wider than the truck he was sitting in. Literal steam coming from his ears, he glared at me as if i had just farted on his grandmother, and he shouted something to me that i honestly couldn't hear. I only caught the last word: "Buddy." I think it's most likely that he said, "Hey! Mind your own business, Buddy!!!" But, i took note later that it was also possible that he could have said...

"Hey! Your NCAA tournament bracket is in shambles, Buddy!!!" or
"Hey! That shirt brings out your eyes, Buddy!!!" or
"Hey! You fell into a hole, Buddy!!!" or something like that.

Whatever he said, i decided to take it up a notch, because, A) i didn't want a jerk like that to get the last word in. And B) because he looked like he was in a hurry, and i thought the chances were slim that he would pull over and get out of the truck to beat the ever-loving crap out of me.

It was mostly B.

So, i cupped my ear and i said, "What?! I can't hear you, because you're an asshole!!!" which, i quickly realized didn't make any sense whatsoever, but still felt great coming out of my mouth.


His arms were still flailing as he drove away.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) That i didn't get pummeled by a lunatic who believed it was well worth being late for his kid sister's birthday party in order to teach a smart-assed overweight guy in glasses a lesson or two.
2) My bracket really is in shambles, but i didn't put any money on it.
3) I've been in learning a lot about myself lately, in part because of what happened in my last blog, which i am eventually going to talk about. Sort of.
4) The guy who invented the 'mean people suck' bumper sticker.
5) Today's lesson: fall in a hole? Pick yerself up.

song of the night...
"celebrity skin" by hole

movie of the night...

Monday, March 15, 2010


So, i'm feeling a bit pissy today. And i want to write about it. But, i have a feeling i might be better off just letting it stew for a little while longer. Maybe a day or two. That way, i can have some time to think about what it is i really want to say, if anything at all.

Wow, look at me... so full of wisdom. Who woulda thunked it?

Anyway, on a much brighter note, here's a joke. Made it up this afternoon, and i think it's hysterical...

"Last night, i made a delicious lasagna from scratch... Scratch is the name of my microwave oven."


Hysterical? ...Yes, i stand behind that. If you disagree, keep it to yourself. I'm feeling a bit pissy today.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) really bad jokes.
2) Ben Fold's soundtrack to the movie 'Over the Hedge'.
3) the fifty cars (out of 51) who passed me in mt. kisco withOUT splashing me with a full 72 pound gallons of puddle water.
4) lasagna.
5) friends who stick with me even when i'm not at my best.

song of the night...
"i get along without you very well" by chet baker

movie of the night...
"boondock saints" ...gonna watch it right now-- man, if THAT can't cheer me up, i'll know i'm in some serious trouble!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Daylight savings time...

Among the many things that make me feel like a complete idiot, daylight savings time is right up there near the top. I have a serious mental block with it. For years, people have told me, "just remember: Spring forward! Fall back!" and then i would feel my face get flushed, because, as obvious as that is to everyone else in the world, it still doesn't do it for me.

"Right, right" i'd say, "Got it. Spring forward, fall back, sooooooooo.... well, let's just say i went to bed around midnight tonite, i would, y'know... set my clock back toooooo... 11:15... ?"

....No. No, you moron, no, not at all. What's wrong with you?

Fortunately, technology has made it possible for me to never have to ask that question again. There's a tv guide built right into my television! Which is PERFECT!!! ...on the nights when there's not a significant power outage in White Plains.

This morning, I would have forgotten all about DST, truthbetold, but, again, technology came to my rescue. This time, in the form of the clock in my cellphone. At first glance, i was really confused, and then bewildered, then confused again, and then grateful, and happy. And then sad ("dude... my cellphone is smarter than me.").

I understand there was some talk awhile ago about doing away with DST altogether, and, i'd appreciate it. i mean, not that they should do it on my account, but... it is a bit embarrassing. Well, no, really embarrassing. Because, honestly, i don't know what it is, i just can't get over it.

I can only assume i was out sick the day they taught us about it in school. That and the '30 days hath September' poem. I can never get that right, i always have to look at a calender. Seriously, if i ever had to recite it on a gameshow, i'd be screwed...

"30 days hath September...
Something, something, something... ember...
Something else is lots of fun...
October might have 31...?"

Not proud of any of this, by the way.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) My cell phone.
2) I saw two great movies today-- 'Ghost Writer' and 'Green Zone'.
3) The Joe Cocker lookalike i saw in target the other day. Like the late 1960's Joe Cocker, except this guy may have been on drugs. Briefly considered asking him if he wanted to be the drummer for a band called armadillo vomit, but i soon thought better of it.
4) Speaking of dumb things newsanchors say (or at least i was in the last post), i was watching the news a few weeks ago, when the tragic story broke about the whale who killed the woman who worked at sea world. This has to be the worst segue ever-- she went from the killer whale story to this, "in the meantime, we want to talk about some other political issues..."
OTHER political issues?! I mean, y'know, talk about burrying the lead!!! i was like, "wait, do they know something i don't??? i thought it was some sort of an accidental thing...? Who was this whale working for, dammit???"
5) Really, the only good thing about DST is that it can be a convenient excuse whenever i say something truly dumb, or if i forget somebody's name or something.

"Hey, Judy!!! Good to see you again!"
Ryan. It's me... Bill.
"Oh, right! Yeah, sorry, man. Haven't slept much lately-- daylight's savings time, you know how it is!"
Dude... that was 3 months ago.
"Right, yeah, uhm..."

song of the night...
"last great American whale" by lou reed.

movie of the night...
"free willy"

The great White Plains power outage, 2010...

Here's the good news: 'The Brother's Bloom' is a fantastic movie.

The bad news came yesterday, when the power went out as i was watching it. 20 minutes left, and so many unanswered questions, then-- zip! Darkness.

Not the longest power outage in the history of mankind, but it felt like it. 25 hours straight. And last night was a bit scary. The howling wind kept the fire engines blaring throughout the evening, and the big honking tree in the front lawn sounded eXACTly like the cave troll from the first 'Lord of the Rings' movie, right before he died. "URRRRRRRR..." Like Legolas and Gimli were outside killing my tree. "URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"

I managed to put that out of my head before going to sleep, thinking instead of the real possibility of ABC news going on the air with a story of the various power outages across the region, and saying something brilliant like, "if you are currently unable to watch this program because of a power outage, please call this number..."

All in all, it was a drag, but, it got me out of the house, and forced me to do some more writing and reading. Finished the classic Jim Bouton book 'Ball Four' and developed something of a crazy idea for a controversial screenplay that will probably never ever see the light of day. Lotsa fun, that one, even if it turns out to be nothing.

Thought about that, though, this afternoon. Sipping on a hot chocolate at a crowded starbucks, sharing a table with a stranger, i thought, "wouldn't it be funny if i was developing this screenplay that did, somehow, turn out to be kind of a big deal. And i was sitting across from a woman who was also writing the next big thing? Like the new Harry Potter or Twilight or something?

Then i stole a glance at her paper and realized that she was just writing the name "Laura" over and over and over and over again, in one gigantic loop.

Not quite as creepy as my Lord of the Rings cave troll tree, but almost.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) J.R.R. Tolkien.
2) I'm doing rather well with this new year's resolution of reading books, by the way! Ball Four was actually my fourth one of 2010, which is more than a little shocking to me! I've also read and very much enjoyed 'tuesdays with morrie' 'about a boy' and 'seabiscuit'. Next up is Donald Miller's latest, 'A million miles in a thousand years'.
3) Hot chocolate. Or rather, the "Signature" hot chocolate they used to serve at starbucks. Now they're back with just the regular hot chocolate. Which tastes like watered-down ovaltine. Like, if you researched the ingredients, you'd find something that said "chock-o-lettes" or "cocoa-lites" or "chock-o-lette-alites."
4) Mark Ruffalo.
5) It was such a bad storm, over the past 24 hours, i have seen no less than 13 seperate broken umbrella corpses after they've been thrown down to the sidewalk in disgust. Although, it was so windy that i couldn't exactly swear that they weren't, in fact, the same umbrella carried off to 13 different places. BUT! here's something i'm happy to report: My Chris Rock/Good Hair umbrella stood tall, and is still in my possesion!

song of the night...
"here comes the rain again" by the eurythmics

movie of the night...
'the brothers bloom' --well worth the wait.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Karl Rove...

This morning I read a coupla' articles about Karl Rove in the USA Today. Pretty amazing stuff.

In response to the question "What's your take on President Obama's first year?" Rove said, "He came into the office with the goodwill of the American people and a real opportunity to work across party lines. Shockingly, he has not seized that moment."

But then...

"(Rove) says Republicans' reluctance to work with this White House is understandable because 'Obama spent one year dissing them.'"

So... which is it? Is he shocked that the President has not worked across party lines? Or is it the Republicans who are not working with Obama-- which would be perfectly understandable to Rove, by the way, because, after all, the President hurt their feelings?

Made me wonder why someone would say such contradictory things like this, and be so obvious about it.

But then I forgot about it, and went on with my day. Had lunch. Played with some kids. Got on the train, and walked from the station. I crossed a one way street on my stroll home, but made sure to look both ways before doing so. Y'wanna know why?

Because there are a lot of people out there who just aren't paying attention.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) Along the lines of really dumb people, I saw this ad on the side of my facebook page the other day-- they have this picture of a really young, gorgeous woman on there with a big banner headline: "37 year old men wanted!" LOL! Okay!
2) "ooh! baby baby! you're so dreamy!!! i think you're the one i've been looking for all my life!!! how old are you???" well, i'm 36 and a half. "oh. shoot... if only you were 37. goodbye."
3) I started to walk more often lately. which may or may not have something to do with one of my toddlers telling me the other day that i have a big butt.
4) I heard that espn is making a movie about vince lombardi who will be played by robert de niro! how cool is that?!
5) Barack Obama.

song of the day...
"don't worry about the government" by the talking heads

movie of the day...

Crazy people at the movies (with weapons)...

My good friend Roger Ebert just recommended (via twitter) an article in the L.A. Times about a scary and bizarre incident at a local movie theater. Apparently, a woman was talking on her cellphone during 'shutter island' and a man shushed her. This somehow escalated until a man who was with the cellphone lady stabbed the shushie guy with a meat thermometer.

Now... I only bring this up for one reason, and one reason alone: I'm very curious to know how many people had the same initial reaction to this that I did... "Who brings a meat thermometer to a movie theater?"


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) While i HAVE actually shushed the wrong person at a movie theater, it has yet to cause me bodily harm.
2) Martin Scorsese.
3) There are about five movies in White Plains that I want to see this weekend. The weakest of the bunch looks like "She's out of my league" but I'll probably wind up seeing it first, as i can't take my eyes off Alice Eve. Is that weird? Is that wrong? I don't care.
4) The hope that someone out there will know how to get the cherry coke stains out of my carpet. (d'oh)
5) Roger Ebert.

song of the night...
"exit music (for a film)" by radiohead

movie of the night...
"starter for 10"

Monday, March 8, 2010

My brand new cable company... almost.

Brand new cable company!!! I was very excited about this!!! ...yesterday.

Yesterday morning, in fact. I called up a representative from the verizon/fios company and asked them about their rates and whatnot. I talked to a very nice woman who had an accent that made me think she looked enchantingly like the gorgeous latina woman on 'modern family'. Hubba hubba.

Anyway, she told me that she could cut me a deal that would give me cable and internet service WITH a dvr for $20 less a month than those cablevision bastards! AND! not only that-- she could send over a dude to hook it all up for free the very next day (somewhere between 8 a.m. and noon)! I was sold. And i was happy.


This morning, i woke up and realized that i didn't tell this nice young lady that the cable guy would have to come around to the back of the house. I had visions of him knocking on the front door and finding Indian Beeker and running away quickly, because... well, why wouldn't you want to run away quickly from Indian Beeker?

So, i called them up to let them know about it (the back of the house, not Indian Beeker), and spoke with another nice woman (no accent) who took down my name, address, phone number, and confirmation number, and told me that she would make sure she'd send over that information right away. FINALLY, i thought, a cable company that knows what they're doing!

I turned on the Today show, and watched a bit of Mike and Mike in the morning, and found a few bits of junk food lying around that could easily be called "breakfast" by someone who was between the ages of six and thirteen. Don't judge me (I didn't have to go into work today; i've established a habit of taking the day off after the oscars. it adds to the celebratory feel of the evening. and it also ensures me enough time to return my tuxedo).

So, eight o'clock came and went. As did nine. And ten. And then, as you may have suspected, so did 11. Around 11:38 i started to shuffle in my seat a bit. But not as much as i did when it became 12:05. At 12:20, i decided to give verizon/fios a ring to make sure they were still on their way.

I wound up talking to six different people, this time, most of whom wanted me to repeat all my information, including my confirmation number. As a result, i have it memorized. It's NY50758172.

The last person i talked to was a nice fellow. But he seemed a bit confused. "Did you make this appointment over the internet?" he asked. "No," i said, "i talked with someone over the phone yesterday."

"YESTERDAY?!?!?!" he said. Uhm, yeah. Yesterday.

I had no reason to lie to him about this, but he kept on using the word IF. "Well, if you talked to someone yesterday, it wasn't anyone from MY department!" uh.... alright. Y'know, i mean... fair enough, i guess...?

I'm on the phone for about fifteen minutes by this point, so i ask him what's going on. Did something go wrong? Did those cablevision bastards hack into your system? Was the cable guy on his way over to see me, until he got distracted by the sexy-voiced latina woman?

Finally, the guy says something like, "Aha!" which is followed by a good 42 seconds of silence, until he says...

"yeah, uh, Mr. Martin, i think i know why no one's arrived yet."
"Well, if you talked to someone about this appointment yesterday, they shouldn't have done that. We usually don't schedule appointments on Sundays."
Oh. uh... alright?
"Annnnnd, whoever you spoke to about this, i think they got it wrong. Because, we have it here that you wanted us to arrive on March 8th, 2011."


Seriously, that's what they told me. So i said, "You... y'have it in your system that i scheduled an appointment for March 8th, 2011... and you THINK the person i spoke to got it wrong???"

"Uh, yes, sir, that is correct."


So, at least for the time being, i'm going to stick with the cablevision bastards. I mean, really, who would you choose? The crappy cable company? Or the crappy cable company?

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) Foreign accents.
2) The Soda Guy didn't know i had the day off today, so he was out in the hallway without pants... again. But at least he had a shirt on this time.
3) i'm pretty happy about evetntually being able to watch the oscars last night. they did come to an agreement-- abc and cablevision. i missed about 45 minutes of the awards, though... and i don't want to talk about it.
4) the hurt locker-- such a great film! very happy it won best picture!!! even happier that Up won for the best score. that dude is a genius.
5) the thought struck me this afternoon that i'll probably get a knock on my door from the verizon/fios guy, somewhere between 8 a.m. and noon, exactly one year from today. Hard for me not to chuckle at that...

song of the night...
"yesterday" by the beatles

movie of the night...
"the cable guy"

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Oscar picks and predictions...

Actor in a Leading Role
Should win, Will win: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

Actor in a Supporting Role
Should win, Will win: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Actress in a Leading Role
Should win: Carey Mulligan, An Education
Will win: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

Actress in a Supporting Role
Should win, Will win: Mo'Nique, Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire

Animated Feature Film
Should win, Will win: Up

Art Direction
Should win, Will win: Avatar

Should win, Will win: Avatar

Costume Design
Should win, Will win: eh, i don't really care all that much, to be honest.

Should win, Will win: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Film Editing
Should win, Will win: Avatar

Should win, Will win(?): Star Trek

Music (Original Score)
Should win: Michael Giacchino, Up
Will win: James Horner, Avatar

Music (Original Song)
Should win, Will win: "The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)"
Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Sound Editing
Should win, Will win: Avatar

Sound Mixing
Should win, Will win: Avatar

Visual Effects
Should win, Will win: Harold and Kumar go back to White Castle
(or, maybe Avatar)

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
Should win: An Education, Screenplay by Nick Hornby
Will win: Up in the Air, Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner
(either one a great choice, i think)

Writing (Original Screenplay)
Should win, Will win: Inglourious Basterds, Written by Quentin Taratino

Best Picture
Should win, Will win: The Hurt Locker
(although my favorite is still Up)

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) Steve Martin.
2) Alec Baldwin.
3) Jack Palance, and the one armed pushups.
4) the hope that ABC and Cablevision will come to their senses in another hour or so.
5) either way, the guy from the other cable company is coming over tomorrow to give me more reliable service, a cheaper price, and, just because i'm handsome, the NFL network as well!

song of the night...
"lose yourself" by eminem

movie of the night...
THE BEST PICTURE MOVIE MARATHON CONCLUDES... 'the departed' 'no country for old men' and 'slumdog millionaire.'

ABC and Cablevision vs. the tiny pawns...

So, let me ask you something... If you were being punched in the face repeatedly by two gigantic schoolyard bullies, and, in between bashings, all you could hear was the sound of them yelling at each other-- "HEY!!! I'M NOT GOING TO STOP PUNCHING UNTIL YOU DO!!!" "NO WAY!!! I'M NOT GOING TO STOP PUNCHING UNTIL YOU DO!!!" "YOU STARTED IT!!!" "NO, YOU STARTED IT!!!"

--would you care about who won the argument?

No. Of course not. You'd just want them to come to an agreement as quickly as possible, so your face could stop bleeding.

ABC and Cablevision don't seem to agree.

ABC had decided to pull it's local station off the air-- hours before the Academy Awards-- because they say Cablevision isn't giving them enough money. Cablevision has responded with a four minute ad that appears whenever you turn on your cable box that tells the world that they are not the bad guys in this situation. They only care about saving us money. And, by the way, the other guys started it.

I called Cablevision three times over the past two days to let them know how much i didn't like being punched in the face, and i talked to three geniuses. I asked each of them this simple question: "Why should i continue to pay for Cablevision?" Here's what they had to say...

"Because you like our services."
"You like the channels we offer."
"We hope you stay with Cablevision."

I tried to be polite as i told the first two Einsteins that the reason i was calling in the first place was because i was not happy with their services, and that they were not, in fact, providing me with the channels i was expecting. But, seeing as the third person was a supervisor, i felt something of an obligation to begin to lose my patience as i pointed out that what she gave me was, actually, not an answer.

"Why should i continue to pay for Cablevision?"
"We hope you stay with Cablevision."

Really... that's like...

"Why do you enjoy spaghetti?"
"I enjoy spaghetti."

"Hey, do you think Avatar should win best picture tonite?"
"I saw Avatar."

"Can you tell me what draws you to the color blue?"

I expect more from the toddlers in my classroom.

Well, no. The truth is, i didn't expect a good answer. I didn't even want a good answer. All i wanted, all i continue to want is to watch the Academy Awards tonite. And to watch LOST Tuesday night. And Modern Family on Wednesday.

And i want to not feel like a tiny pawn in a chess game between billionaires.

Too much to ask?

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) this computer!!! my great friend, Captain Farmville, let me borrow it until i can get myself an imac (two more paychecks should do the trick). my previous computer died a slow death on monday. didn't exactly crash as much as it... fizzled.
2) i went CURLING yesterday!!!!!!! very fun! :) more on that later.
3) the snazzy little messages Cablevision gives me when i'm on hold, telling me things like, "if your remote control is out of order, maybe it's time to replace the batteries!"
4) the episode of 'law and order SVU' i got sucked into last night. WOW!!! so unbelievably bad!!! but so bad it was good, y'know what i mean? kathy griffin guest starring as an obnoxious woman.... (insert your own joke here).
5) the 5,000 channels that are not ABC.

song of the day...
"57 channels (and there's nothing on)" by bruce springsteen

movie of the day...
THE BEST PICTURE MOVIE MARATHON CONTINUES!!! today, a paul haggis double feature!!! 'million dollar baby' and 'crash'.