Sunday, March 7, 2010

ABC and Cablevision vs. the tiny pawns...

So, let me ask you something... If you were being punched in the face repeatedly by two gigantic schoolyard bullies, and, in between bashings, all you could hear was the sound of them yelling at each other-- "HEY!!! I'M NOT GOING TO STOP PUNCHING UNTIL YOU DO!!!" "NO WAY!!! I'M NOT GOING TO STOP PUNCHING UNTIL YOU DO!!!" "YOU STARTED IT!!!" "NO, YOU STARTED IT!!!"

--would you care about who won the argument?

No. Of course not. You'd just want them to come to an agreement as quickly as possible, so your face could stop bleeding.

ABC and Cablevision don't seem to agree.

ABC had decided to pull it's local station off the air-- hours before the Academy Awards-- because they say Cablevision isn't giving them enough money. Cablevision has responded with a four minute ad that appears whenever you turn on your cable box that tells the world that they are not the bad guys in this situation. They only care about saving us money. And, by the way, the other guys started it.

I called Cablevision three times over the past two days to let them know how much i didn't like being punched in the face, and i talked to three geniuses. I asked each of them this simple question: "Why should i continue to pay for Cablevision?" Here's what they had to say...

"Because you like our services."
"You like the channels we offer."
"We hope you stay with Cablevision."

I tried to be polite as i told the first two Einsteins that the reason i was calling in the first place was because i was not happy with their services, and that they were not, in fact, providing me with the channels i was expecting. But, seeing as the third person was a supervisor, i felt something of an obligation to begin to lose my patience as i pointed out that what she gave me was, actually, not an answer.

"Why should i continue to pay for Cablevision?"
"We hope you stay with Cablevision."

Really... that's like...

"Why do you enjoy spaghetti?"
"I enjoy spaghetti."

"Hey, do you think Avatar should win best picture tonite?"
"I saw Avatar."

"Can you tell me what draws you to the color blue?"

I expect more from the toddlers in my classroom.

Well, no. The truth is, i didn't expect a good answer. I didn't even want a good answer. All i wanted, all i continue to want is to watch the Academy Awards tonite. And to watch LOST Tuesday night. And Modern Family on Wednesday.

And i want to not feel like a tiny pawn in a chess game between billionaires.

Too much to ask?

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) this computer!!! my great friend, Captain Farmville, let me borrow it until i can get myself an imac (two more paychecks should do the trick). my previous computer died a slow death on monday. didn't exactly crash as much as it... fizzled.
2) i went CURLING yesterday!!!!!!! very fun! :) more on that later.
3) the snazzy little messages Cablevision gives me when i'm on hold, telling me things like, "if your remote control is out of order, maybe it's time to replace the batteries!"
4) the episode of 'law and order SVU' i got sucked into last night. WOW!!! so unbelievably bad!!! but so bad it was good, y'know what i mean? kathy griffin guest starring as an obnoxious woman.... (insert your own joke here).
5) the 5,000 channels that are not ABC.

song of the day...
"57 channels (and there's nothing on)" by bruce springsteen

movie of the day...
THE BEST PICTURE MOVIE MARATHON CONTINUES!!! today, a paul haggis double feature!!! 'million dollar baby' and 'crash'.

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