Monday, November 30, 2009

traveling with overpriced john travolta milkshakes...

back from new jersey.

it's great to spend some time with family during thanksgiving weekend. my dad and i have something of a complicated holiday tradition. first we eat, and watch football...

...actually, now that i look at it in writing, i guess it's not that complicated after all. but it is a whole lot of fun. we're both diehard steeler fans, but, it doesn't really matter who's playing. i can't be 100% sure, but i am fairly certain that we watched an entire quarter of the Sisseton South Dakota Plaid Skirts versus the Fighting Blue Cards of James Lipton's New School.

i'll tell you what is complicated, though. getting from south jersey back to my apartment by train. from my dad's place, it's a short drive to the speedline at the pennsauken station. that takes me to trenton where i hop on a train to penn station in new york city. from there, i have the option of taking the A, C, E or the 1, 2, or 3 subway trains uptown to 42nd street. then i catch the shuttle to grand central. and from there i hop on yet another train back to white plains.

the whole trip took me about five hours. and it got a bit ugly. the sunday after thanksgiving is such a terrible day for traveling. it's like black friday without the body armor. small children were being used as battering rams. little old ladies were being shoved out of the way by littler old ladies. mild-mannered accountants in full braveheart war makeup were pummeling passersby with their briefcases while shouting to anyone who glanced at them, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"

it was so crazy that i actually spent $6.25 on a milkshake without thinking anything of it. by the time i got to grand central station, i was so tired, and so focused on treating myself after such a long commute that i didn't even realize how much they charged me until i walked away. SIX DOLLARS! and A QUARTER!!! can you believe it??? that's half my paycheck.

so worth it, though. damn good shake. best i ever had. good enough, i think, to make it a new holiday tradition.

or maybe i'll just buy a car.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) long, rambling blog entries.
2) the kid on the train who befriended another kid sitting next to him. it was really cute. like, "i'm five years old. are you five years old? you ARE??? let's be friends!!!" :)
3) one of the highlights of the weekend was the surprise party we threw for my stepmom's retirement. fun night!
4) one of the strange things about the party was meeting this dude who, within about fifteen minutes of introducing himself, told me about his reverse vasectomy. nice guy, but really a little bit... y'know, too open. i'm not kidding, this is what he told me-- "yeah, i think i'm gonna drink a little bit tonite, even though i really shouldn't, 'cause i just got surgery on my nuts."
5) that feeling when you finally get to sit down on your arse in your own apartment after a long trip.

song of the night...
"milkshake" by kelis

movie of the night...
"pulp fiction"

"i'm sorry, ryan, but, did you just order a $6.25 milkshake? do you mind if i have a sip of that? i just gotta find out what a $6.25 milkshake tastes like..."

Thursday, November 26, 2009

i have way too much to be thankful for...

today i am thankful for my family. because i could do a lot worse.

i'm thankful for my friends. because they constantly make me feel like the luckiest man on God's great earth.

i'm thankful for traditions on thanksgiving morning-- like watching the first six minutes of the macy's parade and then realizing it's boring and turning it off.

i'm thankful for my 26inch hdtv. because if it were any bigger, i wouldn't be able to fit it into my tiny apartment.

i'm thankful for my tiny apartment, because it is a roof over my head. and it's mine.

and i'm thankful that it is such a tiny place, because there's not a whole lot of ground to cover whenever i have that creepy feeling that there might be a burglar around. "hello...? is there someone here??? (looks left. looks right.) nope."

i'm thankful that i have enough clutter underneath my bed that no burglar could ever think to hide under there.

i'm thankful for the absurdly loud and obnoxious people who live upstairs, for, because of them, i know that if i were ever forced to reside next to one of those 24-hour air horn testing facilities, i could get by quite nicely.

i'm thankful for my job, because i get a lot of hugs. and i feel like i'm making a difference in the lives of a bunch of kids. and every now and then they say things like, "ryan, my mommy makes BIG farts!"

i'm also thankful for my job, because every so often, i get to walk away with free cupcakes and dunkin donut munchkins.

i'm thankful that the cupcakes that i jammed inside the container of munchkins last night blended together so seamlessly, into one gigantic glob of artery-clogging bliss.

i am thankful for richard simmons.

i'm thankful for the good people at love 146, camp haluwasa, and the red cross.

i'm thankful for sports teams that break my heart, movies that make me cry, and women who leave me bewildered.

i'm thankful for the exercise i get from not having a car, for living within walking distance of a hundred different places to shop and eat, and the people i've met while riding on the train.

i'm even thankful for that dude at the mt. kisco train station who probably hates me because i can't stop staring at him. (i can't help it! he's got no teeth, and has this unrelenting habit of smacking his lips to his gums at a rate of 42 times a minute, it's hypnotic!)

i'm thankful for the clothes on my back, the computer i'm typing on, and the three pair of glasses i bought online for 80something dollars.

i'm thankful for the people who keep reading this blog! thank you!

i'm thankful for the troops overseas. i really don't know how they do it, so far from home.

most of all, i'm thankful that i know a God who knows every single thing about me, and loves me anyway. i'm thankful for His grace, and His mercy, and His love. i'm thankful that He has brought into my life a ridiculous amount of joy and a peace that passes understanding.

the five things i fell in love with today...
also very, very thankful for...

1) frizzy.
2) the smart lady.
3) my farmville homies.
4) tootie.
5) my best friend j-lo.

song of the day...
"God knows (you got to give to get)" by el perro del mar

movie of the day...
"planes, trains and automobiles"

NFL power rankings, thanksgiving edition...

32) browns, 1-9, -90.3
31) rams, 1-9, -88.7
30) bucs, 1-9, -87.7
29) lions, 2-8, -66.6
28) chiefs, 3-7, -45.3
27) raiders, 3-7, -44.4
26) bills, 3-7, -44.3
25) redskins, 3-7, -35.2
24) seahawks, 3-7, -33.6
23) titans, 4-6, -19.5
22) bears, 4-6, -13.4
21) panthers, 4-6, -2.7
20) 49ers, 4-6, -1.2
19) jets, 4-6, 7.3
18) texans, 5-5, 10.3
17) dolphins, 5-5, 13.0
16) falcons, 5-5, 18.5
15) jags, 6-4, 21.2
14) ravens, 5-5, 23.0
13) giants, 6-4, 40.8
12) STEELERS, 6-4, 41.3
11) broncos, 6-4, 41.4
10) packers, 6-4, 42.4
9) eagles, 6-4, 42.7
8) chargers, 7-3, 60.6
7) cards, 7-3, 60.9
6) cowboys, 7-3, 65.5
5) pats, 7-3, 73.6
4) bengals, 7-3, 76.3
3) vikings, 9-1, 112.1
2) saints, 10-0, 139.8
1) colts, 10-0, 144.7

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) john madden
2) pat summerall
3) al michaels
4) having something good to watch on tv on a ridiculously full stomach.
5) turducken.

song of the day...
"if i could give you more" by harry connick jr.

movie of the day...
"pieces of april"

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

viggo mortensen, & the jerk...

just wanted to share a quote i just read from viggo mortensen...

"When I go to movies, I want to see something that is mysterious that I can't explain technically no matter how much I know about the process of making movies. There were movies made in the '30s or '20s, movies that have been made in the last few years, where every once in a while, there is scene, a moment, a close-up, a wide shot, a composition, a look on someone's face, the way they say a word, an interaction, that you go, 'How the hell did they do that?' And they could probably never do it again. It was just that moment where these characters, these actors, committed, and everything was lit right, and that stays in your head. It's burned into your memory. Most movies are lucky to have one moment, one shot that you look at and you always remember that moment and that scene. This movie, I think, has many moments like that. Duvall has moments like that, Charlize has moments like that, Kodi and I have several I think, Garrett Dillahunt, Michael K. Williams. I think it's a movie that has an emotional force, it kind of has some wallop to it, and leaves you at the end going 'Wow!' You are kind of spent. And you think right after, 'Oh, I can't watch this again,' but it stays with you."

i just love that.

i love hearing someone talk about something they're passionate about. and i especially love hearing someone talk about something i'm passionate about. viggo mortensen just gets it. the power of film, the beauty of it. it's why i still get goosebumps when i walk into a movie theater. that anticipation, the possibility of seeing something that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

strangest thing (and i may have talked about this already before, but... well, sorry), out of all the movies i've devoured over my 37 years, my favorite scene in any of them is in steve martin's "the jerk." it's one of the silliest and most hysterical movies ever made-- just ludicrous from beginning to end, and then-- bam! right in the middle of it is THE most romantic thing i've ever seen on film.

steve martin and bernadette peters sitting alone on a beach, singing "you belong to me". he's got a ukulele, and, eventually, she has a trumpet. it's a beautifully sweet song, but, for me, what makes it a classic scene is the way she looks at him. it's just written all over her face, "i am completely in love with this man." simple. lovely. perfect...

y'know what? ...i wanna be a filmmaker.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) thanksgiving!!!!!!! seriously, what a great idea, right?!
2) the people who have been sending me really kind and encouraging emails about this blog! means a great deal! thank you so much!
3) 'the road'. or, well, no, actually, i haven't seen it yet-- not actually in love with it, but that was the movie viggo was talking about. really looking forward to seeing it!
4) seriously. i wanna be a filmmaker. gotta look into it.
5) steve martin. i tell the kids at the day care center that he's my uncle. i even put it into song whenever i can: "now i know my abc's, next time dance with my uncle steve."

honestly, one of our parents last year told me that her toddler mentioned my uncle steve in his prayers the previous night. "God bless, mommy, God bless daddy, God bless mya, God bless uncle steve..." when i told my friend cookie about it, he said, "wow, man... way to waste God's time."


song of the day...
"deep water" by portishead. this song was inspired by the "you belong to me" scene in 'the jerk.'

movie of the day...
"a history of violence" maybe my favorite viggo mortensen film.

seriously, i just wanna grab a beer with the guy. and i don't even drink beer. he's that cool.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

the weatherman...

this happens to me at least once a week, as i'm rushing out the door, running desperately late to catch my train, when all i want is to hear the weatherman tell me if i need to bring my umbrella or not...

suzie: and now, with a check on the weather, let's go to ted. ted?
ted: thank you very much, suzie. did you have a good weekend?
suzie: yes i did! we took the kids to see the new steven segal movie!
ted: oh! how was it?!
suzie: excellent! it was so dramatic!
ted: that's what i hear! it's generating a lot of oscar buzz.
suzie: it should! we loved it! so exciting!
ted: that's what i hear! SUCH a good actor!
suzie: YES!
ted: wasn't he also in "a river runs through it"?
suzie: with courtney love?
ted: yes!
suzie: that's what i hear!
ted: great movie. and great singer, that courtney love.
suzie: yes!
ted: you know what i love?
suzie: what's that, ted?
ted: i love syrup!
suzie: mmmm, yes, syrup is tasty!
ted: but i don't just pour it on my pancakes.
suzie: no?
ted: oh, no! i pour it over my scrambled eggs, my toast, my sausage links, my bacon-- i pour it over everything.
suzie: really?
ted: ab-so-lutely! BOY, is that delicious!
suzie: it certainly sounds like it!
ted: yes! and, hey, speaking of bacon, i wanted to show you this footage from what took place in beaumont, oklahoma over the weekend! during the 76th annual farm and cattle festival, they were holding their traditional contest to find the "world's oink-iest pig!"
suzie: how about that!
ted: yes! this year's winner was 234-pound betsy!
suzie: awwwwwwww!
ted: her owners say the secret to betsy's success has been a healthy diet, and plenty of exercise. betsy also likes to listen to barry manilow, and the dave clark five.
suzie: isn't that something?
ted: yes! no word yet, though, if there are any spiders named charlotte making webs around betsy's pen!!!
ted: yes! now let's see what we can tell you about the weather today!
suzie: okay!
ted: today there will probably be periods of rain and/or sun throughout the morning, night and/or mid- to late afternoon. there also may be patches of clouds or, possibly, flurries surrounding the general area of the northeastern part of the hemisphere sometime within the next few months, or more. chances of some kind of precipitation is 98% throughout that same approximate time span, and the temperature will vary from somewhere between 19 and 82 degrees. celsius and fahrenheit. to find out more specific details for today's weather, tune in for my exclusive five day forecast, in just under an hour. or two. suzie?
suzie: thanks, ted! we'll be right back...

the five tings i fell in love with today...

1) that i don't get paid for participating in meaningless banter.
2) i bumped into some long lost friends at target this afternoon, who had just bumped into each other right before i got there. small world!
3) if you don't have kids, or if you don't work in a day care center, you might as well skip to the next thing, because you just won't understand. but, the best thing that happened at work today was seeing the joy on the face of one of our toddlers as she poo'ed in the toilet for the first time at school. and what a poo it was, let me tell ya. it was the type of poo my cousin in west virginia would have taken a picture of, it was that big. she was so proud. and yet, so humble at the same time. "I MADE A POOP STICK!" she shouted. poop TREE was more like it, bless her heart. and colon.
4) i bought a new umbrella a few weeks ago. the previously mentioned umbrella-- the one who thought itself a performance artist-- flew right off the handle in a tragic, yet beutiful recreation of, i think, swan lake. i'd go into more detail about it, but i can't find my dictionary, and i don't know how to spell peer-o-ette.
5) a bit chilly this morning, but it didn't rain today! w'hoooooooo!

song of the day...
"swine" by elvis costello and the brodsky quartet

movie of the day...
"l.a. story" still one of my favorite comedies ever! "you're a weatherman, right?" "yes. i'm a meteorologist."

Sunday, November 22, 2009

alphabetical movie challenge, I through Z...

a few people have asked me, "hey, did you ever finish that alphabetical movie challenge?" but, of course i did.

some would argue that a better question might be, "why did you finish the alphabetical movie challege?" but i have an answer for that as well. it's because i'm ambitious. and, believe me, nothing says ambitious more than dedicating an entire month of your life to sitting on your ass, watching movies.

or something.

so, sorry for the delay, but here it is. a brief summary on movies I through Z...

I is for "i'm not there". actually, i didn't care for it. as much as i understand what they were going for-- that bob dylan's a complex dude and deserves a complex tale... i'd much rather watch martin scorsese's "no direction home" instead.

J is for "junebug". such a fantastic film!!! the script is unbelievably good, and amy adams is incredible.

K is for "kramer vs. kramer". dustin hoffman is absolutely great in this movie. but, my favorite robert benton film is still "nobody's fool".

L is for "lawrence of arabia". crazy that i'd never watched this before. and am still envious of my friend in los angeles for seeing it on the big screen.

M is for "my bloody valentine". i absolutely HATE horror movies, but my friend liam is in it. and i am even more envious of him for getting his head chopped off on the big screen.

N is for "nick and nora's infinite playlist". this isn't exactly a perfect film about young love, but it's pretty damn close.

O is for "october sky". one of those movies that gets better and better every single time you watch it. and makes you love chris cooper a little bit more, too...

P is for "punch drunk love". that song gets me every time... "he needs me, he needs me, he needs me, he needs me.... lah da da da da..." love it!!!

Q is for "q & a". because it's the only movie i had with a Q at the beginning of it. and also probably the only movie ever to have nick nolte, armard assante, luis guzman, charles s. dutton, dominic chianese, and fyvush finkel in it. oh, and jenny lumet.

R is for "rachel getting married". look... i wanna marry anne hathaway. there. i said it. and i love bill irwin, too, just... y'know, not in THAT way. phenomenal movie. great performances. exceptional script, written by... oh, jenny lumet.

S is for "silverado". i dunno, man, i hear people are down on this movie, but i think this is the best western kevin kline has ever starred in. by far.

T is for "tell no one". terribly underseen movie!!! and maybe it's because on the cover it says, "eight years ago, alex's wife was murdered. today she emailed him." ...urgh. no, but, really, it's a great movie!!! i promise!!!

U is for "the untouchables". top notch. i can watch this twenty times and not get bored of it.

V is for "the visitor". see? this is the reason why i know i shouldn't be a film critic. because i just don't even know how to tell you how much i love this movie. i can only say that if you do see it, you'll thank me later.

W is for "way of the gun". one of those films where you can almost hear the director whispering, "i'm gonna be the next tarantino!" to himself in between takes. but i still dug it. not for everyone, though. you'll know if it's your kinda flick within the first six minutes.

X is for "x2: x-men united". i really love this franchise. and i think this might be my favorite out of the three. or four (i still don't know what to think of the whole 'wolverine' fiasco).

Y is for "year of the dog". this is another movie i don't know what to make of. i mean, on one hand, it seems to be a celebration of the rugged individualist. which is great, but... isn't this character also... y'know, kind of psychotic???

Z is for "zoolander". everybody seems to think this is a comedy, but-- take it from someone who knows what it's like to be an extremely desired male model-- this is a truly powerful documentary.


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) ben stiller.
2) richard jenkins.
3) adam sandler.
4) kat dennings.
5) the hope that hugh jackman will someday balloon up to five hundred pounds, so it will make more sense when i call him "huge assman".

song of the day...
"lilac wine" by jeff buckley. there's a beautiful, heart-wrenching scene in "tell no one" featuring this tune.

movie of the day...
film i wished i'd watched instead of the one i did? "into the wild".

Thursday, November 19, 2009

kings, pawns and rocky balboa...

i'm not complaining, but things haven't exactly been going my way lately.

i was sick for a few days last week. my "very hungry caterpillar" diet is not working. and, of course, there was the debacle of the mystery woman who got my number and did absolutely nothing with it. and now, if all this wasn't enough, i have confirmation that i am the worst person in the world... at chess.

i love chess. i just suck at it.

i mean, i really, really suck at it.

i know this because i've been playing on facebook for the past few months with pitiful results. this particular application gives you a ranking to see how you measure up with your opponents. you start off with a score of 1200. it's kind of like the points you receive on an SAT test for spelling your name correctly.

right now, i have a ranking of 1138.


i'm pretty competitive, so... yeah, it bugs me. but, y'know, i haven't lost any sleep over it, or anything. it's just a game, after all. but, still... it bugs me. and it REALLY bugged me two days ago when a guy named reginald sent me this message while he was wiping the floor with me...

"resign. my king and pawn prevent you from attacking my rook, and my rook prevents you from getting my other pawn. i will promote to a queen, and then finish you."

i was like, whoah! kiss my bishop's ass, reginald!!! (his name isn't actually reginald, but i'm calling him that because i think all extremely good chess players should have a name like reginald. reginald's ranking, by the way, is 1467).

"and then i will finish you." who does he think he is? ivan drago? staring down rocky balboa in a sweaty boxing ring with brigitte neilson at his side? "i vill break you... vith my richter-veresov attack."

well, actually he did break me. just like he said he would. but then... i dunno, it was kind of like i heard the rocky theme song in my head. you know the one. he's running up the steps of the philadelphia museum of art. flying high now. avenging the death of his friend apollo creed. or his trainer burgess meredith. or... whatever the heck he was fighting for in rocky 5 (i never saw that one).

whatever. i was pumped! i offered reginald a rematch. and, theme song stuck in my head, i was ready to go. i was gonna stuff his commie words right back inside his skinny little face. i had a plan. i was gonna embarrass him, and i was gonna take him down. or, the reverse of that.

not part of the plan? watching him beat me in seven moves. but that's what happened. looking back at it now? a tad predictable.

i had the eye of the tiger. and the chess skills of a tree stump. still, i challenged him again. i'm sure burt young would've wanted me to throw in the towel, but i went back into the ring.

here's our last conversation...

me: reginald?'re kicking my arse! lol, good work, my friend!
reg: lol. yeah, the first one was fairly close, but last game got away from you pretty quickly
me: or... maybe i'm trying to lure you into a false sense of security... maybe.

"got away from me pretty quickly" sheesh.... lol, i reeeeeeeally want to kick his ass!!

but, hey... if i don't, i don't. at least i'm trying, right? even if i don't rise up to the challenge of my rival, i think there's something to be said about the thrill of the fight.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) givin' it your best shot.
2) that i got home safely today in the rain. when i asked the guy who takes my train ticket how he was doing, he told me, "eh, could be better. not safe going over these slippery rails." and then he walked away. i was thinking, "dude! what in the hairy freak, man?! I'M going over these slippery rails!!!! did he really just SAY that?!?!"
3) i thought the last rocky movie was actually very good.
4) i was sick last week, but it was only for two days. coulda been a lot worse.
5) the diet isn't working, but it's really not all that bad.

song of the day...
"eye of the tiger" by survivor

movie of the day...
"searching for bobby fischer"

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

numbers don't lie... (NFL power rankings, week 12)

i'm not exactly sure how many people actually read these football power rankings, but i have received one or two concerns about how i came up with this system. and, for those loyal readers who cared enough to write in, i want to say thank you. but more than that, i wanted to let you know that i am praying for you. because you obviously have more free time than i do. and that is sad.

now, to answer your questions, i'll tell ya, it's a complicated process, having to do with the amount of wins a team has, the strength of their schedule, the amount of points they put up, and the number of points they allow. i think it's a well-balanced way of rewarding an organization for beating a good team. and for beating a bad team soundly. most of all, i think it's an impartial, mathematical equation to determine, without bias, and on a weekly basis, who has the best football team in america.

still, most of the questions i've heard seem to stem from a few perceived anomalies in the power rankings. for example, "why would the pittsburgh steelers be ranked below the denver broncos a week after beating them?" that type of thing. "really, ryan, how could this be? how do you come up with this stuff?"

and these are all fair questions. especially for me. a pittsburgh steeler fan. but, the numbers don't lie. the numbers don't cheat. the numbers don't lobby for votes. math can not bribe me in order to sway my opinion. it can not bring opinion into the discussion at all, because math is all about strict facts. with math, it's all black and white. and it is all about the performance of a team throughout an entire. season-- not just one game.

all this to say, i believe my power rankings go a long way to prove once and for all what football fans have suspected for quite some time...

math is stupid.

okay then. enjoy!

32) rams, 1-8, -86.4
31) bucs, 1-8, -86.1
30) browns, 1-8, -86.0
29) lions, 1-8, -85.4
28) chiefs, 2-7, -64.3
27) raiders, 2-7, -63.6
26) bills, 3-6, -36.2
25) titans, 3-6, -35.0
24) redskins, 3-6, -29.0
23) seahawks, 3-6, -25.8
22) bears, 4-5, -2.8
21) dolphins, 4-5, 0.7
20) panthers, 4-5, 10.4
19) 49ers, 4-5, 10.5
18) jags, 5-4, 11.6
17) jets, 4-5, 18.0
16) texans, 5-4, 23.8
15) giants, 5-4, 30.5
14) falcons, 5-4, 31.7
13) packers, 5-4, 32.0
12) eagles, 5-4, 32.6
11) ravens, 5-4, 33.8
10) chargers, 6-3, 51.0
9) cards, 6-3, 54.1
8) broncos, 6-3, 56.6
7) STEELERS, 6-3, 58.0
6) cowboys, 6-3, 58.1
5) patriots, 6-3, 64.7
4) bengals, 7-2, 82.2
3) vikings, 8-1, 109.0
2) saints, 9-0, 140.8
1) colts, 9-0, 143.1

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) the way the governor of california says, "go chargers go!"
2) nfl films.
3) that i'm taking the day off after the super bowl to recover from my screaming.
4) harry kalas.
5) john facenda.

song of the day...
"song no. 6" by ane brun featuring ron sexsmith

movie of the day...
"lucky number slevin"

Sunday, November 15, 2009

the muppet...

the guy upstairs woke me up in the middle of the night. again.

i call him the muppet because he's unusually tall, has big floppy hair, a tiny little squeaky voice, and is made entirely out of felt.

well, okay, no, that last thing isn't actually true. but if it were, it wouldn't be the strangest thing about him.

he's just an odd duck. the things he says are just enough to sorta/kinda slightly freak you out. but he has a pretty thick accent, which makes it kind of difficult to understand him. so, there's a bit of a delayed freak-out reaction on my part.

usually, what i do when someone has a thick accent that i can't understand is just nod and put on a huge smile, and say things like, "YEAH!" or, "SURE!" or, "HAHAHA! YOU KNOW IT!" and that seems to work on most ocassions. they tend to nod and smile back in a way that lets me know that they feel like they're being understood and respected.

...unless, of course, they're all saying things like, "i feel as though you're not understanding me because of my accent, and are just saying agreeable things because you are an idiot. is that true?"


the muppet sounds exactly like beaker. if beaker was from bangladesh. the last time i talked to him, (i think) he asked me something about how much rent i pay for my apartment. when i told him, he said, "wow! so much money for such a little amount of space."

or at least that's what i was able to decipher after a few hours. and then i thought... "whoah, wait a minute... how does he know how much space i have? he's never been inside my apartment! ...has he???"

i might be a touch paranoid here, but it wouldn't shock me at all if the muppet and i had a similar conversation about my underwear someday. "you know, the elastic in your boxer shorts is just not up to par. you should really stop purchasing such items at target."

"well, you probably bring up a good-- wait, what?!"

for now, though, i'm mostly concerned with the conversations he's having with the television late at night when i'm trying to sleep. i thought i was done with all that after the world series ended, but i was dreadfully mistaken. i don't know what sport he could have been watching at three in the morning-- or, for that matter, what decade he thought he was living in-- but, for a good four minutes in a row, all i could hear was indian beaker shouting, "WHOOMP! THERE IT IS! WHOOMP! THERE IT IS! WHOOMP! THERE IT IS!"

never a dull moment, my friends.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) speaking of horrible songs from the 90's, i was in the bathroom at the movie theater a few weeks ago when some dude came strolling in, whistling "i wanna sex u up." i thought this was both hysterical and disturbing at the same time. hysterical that people still dug color me badd. and disturbing that i recognized the tune so quickly.
2) bunson honeydew
3) frank oz.
4) meeting frank oz at the jacob burns film center. it was great! i shook his hand and told him i wanted to thank him because i'd realized earlier in the day that he had been entertaining me my entire life.
5) jim henson.

song of the day...
"antartica" by the weepies. i find this to be a good track to listen to whenever i want to get a horrible song from the 90's out of my head.

movie of the day...
"death at a funeral" that was the film frank oz was promoting at the burns. fall out of your seat funny!

Saturday, November 14, 2009


last night i went back to the scene of the crime.

the jacob burns film center. where, a week ago, i met a fantastic woman who was full of life and had great, big sparkly googly things in her eyes that made my heart go, "a-thumpa-thumpa." a woman who... well, a woman who still hasn't called or written me yet.

by the way, just to get this out in the open, for the 12 people who don't already know this about me: the reason i gave out my contact information without receiving hers in return? i'm a nerd. and it didn't even occur to me to do this until hours later. there are guys who can say things like, "hey, baby, why don't you gimmie yo number?" but, sadly-- and, clearly-- i am not one of them. so, i have no way to reach her.

and i went back to the same movie theater. the one she says she goes to all the time. but! BUT!!! i promise, i did not go there to try to find her. i went to see a movie. a movie that i've been wanting to see for months, actually. it had nothing to do with her. it was all about the movie.

the movie, says i.

of course, i did put more thought into last night's wardrobe than i did before my junior high prom. which, admittedly, is saying something. i looked pretty darn good back in the day: aqua blue miami vice t-shirt with a skinny white tie, made of something that resembled leather. had these huge tinted fat-elvis glasses, and a little pre-mullet thing happenin'... boy howdy, if she only knew me when.

anyway... she wasn't there. i didn't actively search for her, but, really, it was in the back of my mind, now and then during the night.

not seeing her... i was a bit sad about it, to tell you the truth. but, wow, what a movie.

i'm not kidding. it was one of those moments where you know you're exactly where God wants you to be. such a powerful film. and its message kicked me right in the arse. it was as if God was making a pre-emptive strike; before i could allow myself to linger in any kind of sadness about my mysterious vanishing woman of one week ago, God sat me down in front of the movie 'precious' and dared me to compare my pain to hers.

it was so honest, this movie. so brutal. so damn hard to watch. it was, at times, so unflinchingly real that i had to cover my eyes. the depths of pain this character went through is nowhere NEAR anything i've ever had to struggle with. and the performances of the cast were so riveting... i just left the theater wondering what in my life i've ever had to complain about.

it was painful to watch, but uplifting as well. to see this girl take on so much with her head held high. and to see the people in her life who were there for her. making a difference. listening, teaching, guiding, respecting her. it was a very humbling experience for me. i couldn't help but wonder what kind of difference i was making in the lives of others...

three or four mornings ago, i was walking to my train, only to find a fence where my shortcut used to be. kinda pissed me off. who'd they think they were, right? took two minutes out of my life that i'd never get back, y'know? then i read this in the paper-- a quote from terry o'quinn, from 'lost'. he said, "you can either feel grateful, or entitled."

and, y'know... hey, some days are better than others, but, yeah. i want to be grateful. and i want to act accordingly. i'm not in junior high school anymore, i don't want to find an excuse to be sad when things don't go my way. and i don't want to be so self-absorbed that i miss out on even the tiniest things that could make someone's day a bit brighter. the door i could be holding open for a stranger, or the hug i could be giving to a coworker who's having a bad day.

i'm working on it. because life is too short, and too precious a gift not to be taken more seriously. not to be giving back.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) mo'nique. really, the entire cast was incredible, but i thought mo'nique was crazily good. she portrayed an absolute monster and somehow found the humanity in her.
2) good advice from a friend.
3) i can't remember who said it, but my sister sent me a quote that always stuck in my head, and i was reminded of it, watching this movie-- "God wants art with all of its teeth."
4) i was sick for a few days this week (occupational hazard). glad it's over with.
5) great, big sparkly googly things.

song of the day...
"i will be grateful for this day, i will be grateful for each day to come" by bright eyes.

movie of the day...
shocker... "precious: based on the novel 'push' by sapphire". seriously, if this movie doesn't make you cry your eyes out... yowza.

hey, stranger...

hey, stranger... yes, you. the one who was sitting in the row directly behind me? yeah... hey, remember when we went to the same movie, and you STOPPED talking?

...yeah, me neither.


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) silence. it's true what they say about it.
2) watching three movies in less than 24 hours.
3) paying for only two of those movies.
4) crying my eyes out during the first movie.
5) sneaking in food to all three movies.

song of the day...
"enjoy the silence" by depeche mode

movie of the day...
"2012" pretty much everything a disaster flick should be: great special effects. bad acting. and big, honking gaping holes in the non-sensical plot. i loved it.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

NFL power rankings, week 10...

32) chiefs, 1-7, -85.6 bhpp
31) rams, 1-7, -84.6
30) lions, 1-7, -83.2
29) browns, 1-7, -82.2
28) bucs, 1-7, -81.7
27) raiders, 2-6, -55.1
26) titans, 2-6, -53.5
25) redskins, 2-6, -50.1
24) panthers, 3-5, -27.2
23) bills, 3-5, -25.0
22) seahawks, 3-5, -15.8
21) dolphins, 3-5, -13.2
20) 49ers, 3-5, -3.7
19) jags, 4-4, -1.8
18) bears, 4-4, 11.3
17) packers, 4-4, 17.0
16) ravens, 4-4, 21.8
15) texans, 5-4, 22.4
14) giants, 5-4, 29.1
13) jets, 4-4, 32.7
12) chargers, 5-3, 40.0
11) cards, 5-3, 44.6
10) eagles, 5-3, 47.7
9) falcons, 5-3, 49.5
8) bengals, 6-2, 73.8
7) STEELERS, 6-2, 76.1
6) cowboys, 6-2, 77.0
5) broncos, 6-2, 77.2
4) pats, 6-2, 81.1
3) vikings, 7-1, 106.2
2) colts, 8-0, 140.2
1) saints, 8-0, 142.7

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) james harrison
2) james farrior
3) santonio holmes
4) ziggy hood
5) jeff reed

Sunday, November 8, 2009

the sixth thing i fell in love with today...

in addition to the five things i fell in love with today, i am also thankful that i did not get mugged on my walk home tonite.

there's a tunnel underneath the train station in white plains that looks really spooky. in the day light. in the dark it looks like you're walking through the video for 'thriller.' dancing zombies and all.

so, of course, because i'm a genius, i chose to go in that direction after dusk. and this dude approached me looking a lot like skeet ulrich. except creepier, if you can believe that. he was wearing a hoodie draped over his head and dark sunglasses. as if he had taken a look at the 11 o'clock news for a week and saw the police sketches for every major wanted criminal throughout the five burroughs of new york city and thought to himself, "y'know... i think that would be a really good look for me."

for a second, i was just frozen. and i thought what any good Christian would think in that situation... "oh shit."

lol, like the worst prayer ever. "oh, shit."

but God heard it anyway. and the guy kept on walking. and i didn't have to unleash my inner chuck norris on him.

and for all of this, i do thank God. He is very good to me.

what would george clooney do?

this weekend i watched a little tv-- some football, mostly, and i'm onto the second season of LOST. i took advantage of the nice weather and went on a coupla' walks around white plains. i did some writing, shaved my face, tidied up the apartment, and i caught a movie this afternoon-- the new george clooney flick called 'the men who stare at goats.'

all this to say, i did not sit around by the phone waiting for the beautiful woman i met on friday to call.

which, as it turns out, is a good thing.



i don't understand what happened. y'know, i mean, i thought we really clicked. i thought there were sparks. when i asked if i could give her my number, she seemed to be saying, "YES! i was hoping you'd ask me that!" but... i dunno, maybe i totally misread her. maybe it was, "YES! but, i am so only being polite to you!"

or, maybe she's doing that thing where you don't want to appear too eager, so you wait three days before calling? women do that? i thought only men do that. and by men i mean stupid men. men who watch jason statham movies because they think he's a good actor. men who go to nascar races because they're hoping to see themselves a good wreck. men who join chuck norris fan clubs without any sense of irony.

(because they actually think that when chuck norris works out, the machine gets stronger.)

i dunno. i'm not that guy. i mean, i get it, i don't want to scare someone away, but i don't wait three days to call. and, i'm not sure if that says a lot about why i'm single, but i guess i'm just not that cool, lol. if i like someone, i want her to know about it. if i really want to get to know someone, i don't want to waste three days before i do so.

which brings me back to the question of whether she wanted to get to know me better at all. i dunno. i thought she did... maybe, it's like that billy crystal line from 'when harry met sally...' maybe she desperately wants to call me but is trapped under something heavy.

sheesh, i hope so.

anyway... what do you think george clooney would do? for some reason, i found myself thinking about that, on my long walk home from the movie. didn't help me much, as i could actually see him doing either. being polite and taking down a phone number with no intentions to call. or, being real cool and suave, and waiting three days to call. or probably three weeks. i mean... dude. it's george clooney.


welp... not the end of the world, but i have to be honest. i'm pretty disappointed. maybe prematurely disappointed. and maybe (probably) i'm giving this too much thought, no matter what the outcome... eh... she just seemed really great, y'know...?

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) two things i never noticed until this most recent review of the first two seasons of 'lost': A) someone is always beating the crap out of sawyer. and, B) if someone is running through the jungle, they pretty much have a 50/50 shot at falling down on their face.
2) "snatch" and "lock, stock & two smoking barrels"-- jason statham is actually really, really good in both of these movies.
3) "chuck norris can slam a revolving door!"
4) the 'goat' movie wasn't all that good, i'm afraid, but i'm really looking forward to clooney's next two: 'the fantastic mr. fox' and 'up in the air'.
5) that, no matter what, i think i recovered quite nicely from the spilled popcorn fiasco of friday night, thank you. and, dammital, kudos to me for having the courage to chat up such a beautiful woman.

song of the day...
"sparks" by coldplay

movie of the day...
it could only be "swingers". legendary scene that brilliantly breaks down the mindset behind the three days rule. as well as that jon favreau scene i can barely watch, when he foolishly breaks said rule.

NFL power rankings, week 9...

32) bucs, 0-7, -110.4 big honking power points
31) rams, 1-7, -84.6
30) browns, 1-7, -82.2
29) chiefs, 1-6, -80.4
28) lions, 1-6, -77.4
27) titans, 1-6, -77.4
26) raiders, 2-6, -55.1
25) redskins, 2-5, -43.0
24) seahawks, 2-5, -34.4
23) bills, 3-5, -25.8
22) jaguars, 3-4, -17.0
21) panthers, 3-4, -16.7
20) dolphins, 3-4, -1.1
19) 49ers, 3-4, 13.1
18) chargers, 4-3, 26.1
17) bears, 4-3, 28.8
16) jets, 4-4, 30.2
15) cards, 4-3, 31.7
14) packers, 4-3, 35.4
13) ravens, 4-3, 37.0
12) texans, 5-3, 37.2
11) falcons, 4-3, 38.4
10) giants, 5-3, 46.0
9) bengals, 5-2, 64.2
8) STEELERS, 5-2, 65.2
7) eagles, 5-2, 65.4
6) cowboys, 5-2, 65.8
5) patriots, 5-2, 71.2
4) broncos, 6-1, 101.1
3) vikings, 7-1, 103.3
2) colts, 7-0, 137.8
1) saints, 7-0, 143.5

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) heath miller
2) mike wallace
3) jerome bettis
4) willie parker
5) rashard mendenhall

song of the day...
"smells like teen spirit" by the bad plus

movie of the day...

Friday, November 6, 2009

the big what if's...

did you ever have one of those days when you just say, "if i didn't...?"

if i didn't make that wrong turn when i was driving to the store...?
if i didn't trust that stranger...?
if i didn't lose my nerve when i should have just asked that beautiful woman for her number...?

today was a big "if i didn't" day for me.

if i didn't love movies so much...
if i didn't push my slightly-sore throat to the back of my mind...
if i didn't forget to buy a train ticket to pleasantville...
if i didn't decide to skip watching the sixers on tv...
and, if i didn't choose to eventually ignore my coworker's fat joke that hurt my feelings to the point of making me want to just go home and sit around a big bowl of irony-flavored potato chips... i would not have been at the jacob burns film center tonite.

if i didn't LOVE movies as much as i love them... i would have only seen one film, the five o'clock showing of 'a serious man.'

if i didn't read a dozen or so articles about how amazing carey mulligan is, i might never have been interested in the second feature of the night, the 7:10 screening of 'an education.'

if i didn't have to pee in between movies...
if i didn't have to wait in line to wash my hands behind a gaggle of ridiculously slow men...
if i didn't overcome the embarrassment of talking to the same girl behind the concession stand, as i purchased my second small tub of popcorn in the same evening... i might have had the opportunity to select a seat that wasn't in the second row.

if the ladies with the thick brooklyn accents who originally sat in my row, didn't immediately see the seats behind me, and if they somehow didn't rationalize that their necks would be much better off sitting there, instead of just a few feet closer to the screen... a truly gorgeous woman might not have been able to sit one seat away from me.

if, in an attempt to give her more space, i didn't accidentally kick over half of my (second) tub of popcorn onto the floor... the truly gorgeous woman and i would not have shared a laugh, nor the engaging conversation that followed.

if another stranger didn't show up exactly when he did and ask the truly gorgeous woman if she and her friends could move over one more seat... our conversation might not have continued so smoothly.

and if this truly gorgeous woman had not been so quick with her smile, had not been so charming and witty. so delightful, and just so. damn. adorable... the spring in my step as i walked home from the train tonite would not have been so lively. and my heart wouldn't still be racing at a hundred miles an hour.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) lol, look, i know. i JUST met this (truly gorgeous) woman a few short hours ago. i couldn't tell you twelve things about her. it's hardly love. but... wow. you know, when you meet someone and there's that spark? that instant click? that sudden indescribable something that makes you feel like you could tame a lion, and run through a building. and maybe even quit fast food forever? yep.
the ball's in her court, though. i gave her my number & email address. hope to hear from her soon!
2) the articles were right! carey mulligan is incredible. VERY, very good movie!
3) i also dug 'a serious man'. ...i think. honestly, i spent 9/10ths of this film wondering where it was going. but, man, the last few minutes just really got me.
4) they say good things happen in threes (or is it bad things? ...whatever) i got a free cup of hot chocolate at starbucks while i was waiting for my train. no reason for it whatsoever. i took out my credit card, and the dude behind the counter said, "eh, don't worry about it." i said, "what? ...what, did i win a prize or something?" he just smiled and said, "eh, maybe i'm too lazy to ring you up, i dunno."
but it does give credence to the old austrian proverb, "one man's laziness is another man's free hot chocolate."
5) the third good thing that happened...? well, lol, it's so inappropriate and wrong that i wouldn't feel right spilling the details in such an otherwise-sappy blog. but, when i got home, i exchanged a series of emails with my cousin "v-neck" that made me laugh so hard, i literally got dizzy.

song of the day...
"carry on, my wayward son" by kansas

movie of the day...
"kansas city"

Thursday, November 5, 2009

weight loss strategy, number 3,653...

been thinking recently about my weight loss. and how overwhelming it is to shed these pounds. i used to be skinny. like a pencil. and then, poof! it was like overnight, my metabolism said, "change o'plans, son!"

that was on my 25th birthday. i got a few gift cards, a sweater, a handful of cash, and a big honking ice cream gut. and now, sadly, it seems history has repeated itself. ever since i turned 37, it feels like the more i do, the more backward steps i take.

"scoop of ice cream? four pounds. bottle of soda? seven pounds. one fluffy little cloud-like rice cake on a dainty little plastic dish? forty-eight pounds."

everything seems screwy like that lately.

BUT!!! i was reading a book to the kids at the center this morning, and it hit me! i think i might finally have the answer!!! "the very hungry caterpillar diet!"

on monday i'll eat through one apple. on tuesday, i'll eat through two pears. wednesday? three plums. thursday, four strawberries, and friday, five oranges. and then saturday, i'll go through some cake, and ice cream, pickles, swiss cheese, salami, lollipops, cherry pie, sausage, cupcakes, watermelon...

and then on sunday i'll pass out and eat a salad.

now, i don't want to spoil the ending of the book for anyone who hasn't read it, but everything seemed to work out pretty well for the hungry little caterpillar. but... well, then again, i don't like plums. or pears. or strawberries, or oranges. or, for that matter, pickles and watermelon. and too much salami gives me heartburn.


it's back to square one.

any suggestions will be extremely helpful.

because, if my math is correct, i will weigh in at about 564 pounds by my 49th birthday. and i'd really rather avoid that.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) my math is hardly ever correct.
2) it's always a special moment when a toddler in your classroom says your name for the first time. even more so when it's in the context of a child explaining her own flatulence. this afternoon, 20-month-old "joy" tooted, and said to me, "ryan! butt."
3) the jacob burns film center in pleasantville, new york. best theater in the world! haven't been in awhile, but i'm going to see a double feature tomorrow.
4) i have a coworker who has a mental block when saying the word "hawthorne." but, she's getting better at it. a few weeks ago, she would say, "haRRR-thorne," as if she were auditioning to be abigail breslin's understudy in the new hellen keller broadway revival. last week, she was able to fairly clearly say, "harrrr-thorrrne...???" but today, she did it! (sort of). "hawww..... thorne." she told me the trick was to take a deep breath, look off into the distance at a fixed point, and concentrate really, really hard on it.

i promise, i'm not lying about any of this.

5) eric carle.

song of the day...
"history repeating" by propellerheads

movie of the day...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

damn yankees...

i wake up around five o'clock in the morning to catch my train. and day lights savings time has messed me up a bit lately. so, i wanted to go to bed early tonite. like, about an hour ago. but i can't.

i can't sleep because a bunch of asshole yankee fans live upstairs from me. and they love to scream. like the six year old girls that they are. but they're not NEARLY as loud as i'm going to be this monday night when my steelers are on!!!

seriously. they have no idea.

and they won't know what hit 'em tomorrow, either. when i bang on the ceiling with my little league baseball bat. around five o'clock in the morning.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) revenge. sweet revenge.
2) steven curtis chapman.
3) i'm not doing well, weight loss-wise, but i am having a pretty good week.
4) i love the smell of a fireplace going, while walking around a suburban neighborhood on a crisp autumn night.
5) the 2010 world champion new york mets!

song of the day...
"living well is the best revenge" by r.e.m.

movie of the day...
"sweet sweetback's baadasssss song"

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

LOST theory revisited...

i want to keep this post brief, because i'm really looking forward to watching the series premiere of 'V' tonite...

("wow, ryan, that's so sexy. and not at all something a geek would say. tell me again why you're still single?")

but i wanted to tell you that i was rethinking my big honking 'lost' theory. adam and eve? maybe it's not jack and kate. maybe it's rose and bernard...

living the end of their days on the island. side by side until the very end. the black and white stones in his pocket her symbolic anniversary present of their everlasting love.

just a thought.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) brilliant writing. 'lost' really is amazing.
2) not so brilliant writing: i read a sign outside of a deli this morning that said, "all this week, we will be open on saturdays!" LOL! any day of the entire week that happens to be a saturday, you can count on them! hahahaha!
3) my two year old friend who, while sitting on the toilet, gave me advice on how to poop. "you have to go like this-- URRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!"
4) my favorite potty joke: "what does queen elizabeth do whenever she's done on the toilet? ...she makes a royal flush."
5) my friend alice, on the west coast. she misses me. and i miss her right back!

song of the day...
"san francisco bay blues" by richie havens

movie of the day...
"star trek" yes-- the jj abrams version.

Monday, November 2, 2009

my big honking LOST theory...

for the better part of the past two decades, i thought that 'the simpsons' has been the best show in the history of television. and then came 'lost'. i'm borderline obsessed with it. i hang on every word in each script, like a new york college kid in 1960-something listening to a bob dylan record.

i'm currently watching season one. again. and then i'll devour seasons two through four. again. and on december 8th, i'll be the first in line to buy season five on bluray. and i'll watch that again, too. maybe twice.

i can't get enough.

but i'm not one of those people who has a theory about each and every little mystery on the island. i just like to let things unfold. i'm fascinated by so many of these characters, and i can't wait to know what's going to happen to them! but i don't give too much thought into it. i just like to see where it's going as it's getting there.

i do have one theory, however... avert your eyes now, if you don't wanna know-- on the off-chance that i'm right about this!!!

in the sixth episode ("house of the rising sun") of the first season, jack and kate stumble upon two bodies in a cave, a woman and a man. jack guesses that they've been there for 40 or 50 years. he finds a small pouch carrying a black and a white stone. locke names them adam and eve. (the bodies, not the stones).

jack is trying to persuade the rest of the survivors to come back to the caves to live. kate decides to remain on the beach, saying, "i don't want to be eve."

here's my theory... through the mysterious time travel that often takes place on our favorite little kooky island... i think jack and kate ARE adam and eve!!!

don't ask me how they wind up there, don't ask me who burried them in the caves. don't ask me what the significance of the two stones are... i just have a hunch that jack and kate actually discovered the remains of themselves way back when.

and how freaking cool would THAT be?!?!?!

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) hurley. how can you not love hurley?
2) kate. hubba, hubba.
3) claire. hubba, hubba, hubba.
4) ginger and mary-anne. hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba...
5) vincent, the dog. but, i'm telling you, if this whole plane crash thing turns out to just be vincent's dream??? i'll be pissed.

song of the day...
"like a rolling stone" by bob dylan

movie of the day...
"no direction home"

Sunday, November 1, 2009

an important question about window washers...

today, because i'm trying to lose weight, i took a healthy early morning power walk. to mcdonald's. and on my way back home, i saw a half dozen window washers on the top of a 14-story building. made me feel reeeeeeeeeeeeally good about my job. sheesh, i got dizzy just thinking about being up there.

it also made me wonder about this: do they warn the residents of those buildings when window washers are going to be outside of their apartments? i really don't know, but i can't get that question out of my head.

i mean, honestly, wouldn't that scare the shit out of you?! first thing, sunday morning, y'got a cup of coffee in your hands, wearing a bathrobe (or something less than that), y'draw the curtains, and-- AAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) i had a free mcgriddle coming my way. monopoly game piece.
2) knowing that there is no way on earth my pittsburgh steelers are going to lose today!
3) "gurf ozark" those were the words i had to write to post the link of my blog on facebook the other day. sounded to me like a defensive lineman from nebraska. 315 pounds. on a full scholarship.
4) my ugly bathrobe.
5) the hope that the soda guy will also get an ugly bathrobe some day soon.

song of the day...
"roxanne" by the police

movie of the day...
"king kong"

NFL power rankings, week 8...

1) saints, 6-0, 141.6 big honking power points
2) colts, 6-0, 135.8
3) broncos, 6-0, 134.0
4) vikings, 6-1, 97.8
5) giants, 5-2, 67.0
6) patriots, 5-2, 66.4
7) STEELERS, 5-2, 62.2
8) bengals, 5-2, 61.2
9) falcons, 4-2, 59.6
10) cards, 4-2, 55.6
11) cowboys, 4-2, 54.6
12) packers, 4-2, 54.5
13) eagles, 4-2, 49.8
14) jets, 4-3, 34.5
15) texans, 4-3, 24.2
16) ravens, 3-3, 17.0
17) bears, 3-3, 14.8
18) 49ers, 3-3, 13.5
19) chargers, 3-3, 10.8
20) jags, 3-3, 1.8
21) bills, 3-4, -13.8
22) seahawks, 2-4, -22.6
23) dolphins, 2-4, -22.8
24) panthers, 2-4, -40.0
25) redskins, 2-5, -45.2
26) raiders, 2-5, -46.0
27) lions, 1-5, -68.3
28) browns, 1-6, -77.2
29) chiefs, 1-6, -80.4
30) titans, 0-6, -109.1
31) bucs, 0-7, -110.4
32) rams, 0-7, -111.8

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) louis lipps
2) myron cope
3) kevin greene
4) heinz field
5) the terrible towel

song of the day...
"say anything (else)" by cartel

movie of the day...