precious...

last night i went back to the scene of the crime.

the jacob burns film center. where, a week ago, i met a fantastic woman who was full of life and had great, big sparkly googly things in her eyes that made my heart go, "a-thumpa-thumpa." a woman who... well, a woman who still hasn't called or written me yet.

by the way, just to get this out in the open, for the 12 people who don't already know this about me: the reason i gave out my contact information without receiving hers in return? i'm a nerd. and it didn't even occur to me to do this until hours later. there are guys who can say things like, "hey, baby, why don't you gimmie yo number?" but, sadly-- and, clearly-- i am not one of them. so, i have no way to reach her.

and i went back to the same movie theater. the one she says she goes to all the time. but! BUT!!! i promise, i did not go there to try to find her. i went to see a movie. a movie that i've been wanting to see for months, actually. it had nothing to do with her. it was all about the movie.

the movie, says i.

of course, i did put more thought into last night's wardrobe than i did before my junior high prom. which, admittedly, is saying something. i looked pretty darn good back in the day: aqua blue miami vice t-shirt with a skinny white tie, made of something that resembled leather. had these huge tinted fat-elvis glasses, and a little pre-mullet thing happenin'... boy howdy, if she only knew me when.

anyway... she wasn't there. i didn't actively search for her, but, really, it was in the back of my mind, now and then during the night.

not seeing her... i was a bit sad about it, to tell you the truth. but, wow, what a movie.

i'm not kidding. it was one of those moments where you know you're exactly where God wants you to be. such a powerful film. and its message kicked me right in the arse. it was as if God was making a pre-emptive strike; before i could allow myself to linger in any kind of sadness about my mysterious vanishing woman of one week ago, God sat me down in front of the movie 'precious' and dared me to compare my pain to hers.

it was so honest, this movie. so brutal. so damn hard to watch. it was, at times, so unflinchingly real that i had to cover my eyes. the depths of pain this character went through is nowhere NEAR anything i've ever had to struggle with. and the performances of the cast were so riveting... i just left the theater wondering what in my life i've ever had to complain about.

it was painful to watch, but uplifting as well. to see this girl take on so much with her head held high. and to see the people in her life who were there for her. making a difference. listening, teaching, guiding, respecting her. it was a very humbling experience for me. i couldn't help but wonder what kind of difference i was making in the lives of others...

three or four mornings ago, i was walking to my train, only to find a fence where my shortcut used to be. kinda pissed me off. who'd they think they were, right? took two minutes out of my life that i'd never get back, y'know? then i read this in the paper-- a quote from terry o'quinn, from 'lost'. he said, "you can either feel grateful, or entitled."

and, y'know... hey, some days are better than others, but, yeah. i want to be grateful. and i want to act accordingly. i'm not in junior high school anymore, i don't want to find an excuse to be sad when things don't go my way. and i don't want to be so self-absorbed that i miss out on even the tiniest things that could make someone's day a bit brighter. the door i could be holding open for a stranger, or the hug i could be giving to a coworker who's having a bad day.

i'm working on it. because life is too short, and too precious a gift not to be taken more seriously. not to be giving back.


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) mo'nique. really, the entire cast was incredible, but i thought mo'nique was crazily good. she portrayed an absolute monster and somehow found the humanity in her.
2) good advice from a friend.
3) i can't remember who said it, but my sister sent me a quote that always stuck in my head, and i was reminded of it, watching this movie-- "God wants art with all of its teeth."
4) i was sick for a few days this week (occupational hazard). glad it's over with.
5) great, big sparkly googly things.

song of the day...
"i will be grateful for this day, i will be grateful for each day to come" by bright eyes.

movie of the day...
shocker... "precious: based on the novel 'push' by sapphire". seriously, if this movie doesn't make you cry your eyes out... yowza.