Thursday, November 5, 2009

weight loss strategy, number 3,653...

been thinking recently about my weight loss. and how overwhelming it is to shed these pounds. i used to be skinny. like a pencil. and then, poof! it was like overnight, my metabolism said, "change o'plans, son!"

that was on my 25th birthday. i got a few gift cards, a sweater, a handful of cash, and a big honking ice cream gut. and now, sadly, it seems history has repeated itself. ever since i turned 37, it feels like the more i do, the more backward steps i take.

"scoop of ice cream? four pounds. bottle of soda? seven pounds. one fluffy little cloud-like rice cake on a dainty little plastic dish? forty-eight pounds."

everything seems screwy like that lately.

BUT!!! i was reading a book to the kids at the center this morning, and it hit me! i think i might finally have the answer!!! "the very hungry caterpillar diet!"

on monday i'll eat through one apple. on tuesday, i'll eat through two pears. wednesday? three plums. thursday, four strawberries, and friday, five oranges. and then saturday, i'll go through some cake, and ice cream, pickles, swiss cheese, salami, lollipops, cherry pie, sausage, cupcakes, watermelon...

and then on sunday i'll pass out and eat a salad.

now, i don't want to spoil the ending of the book for anyone who hasn't read it, but everything seemed to work out pretty well for the hungry little caterpillar. but... well, then again, i don't like plums. or pears. or strawberries, or oranges. or, for that matter, pickles and watermelon. and too much salami gives me heartburn.


it's back to square one.

any suggestions will be extremely helpful.

because, if my math is correct, i will weigh in at about 564 pounds by my 49th birthday. and i'd really rather avoid that.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) my math is hardly ever correct.
2) it's always a special moment when a toddler in your classroom says your name for the first time. even more so when it's in the context of a child explaining her own flatulence. this afternoon, 20-month-old "joy" tooted, and said to me, "ryan! butt."
3) the jacob burns film center in pleasantville, new york. best theater in the world! haven't been in awhile, but i'm going to see a double feature tomorrow.
4) i have a coworker who has a mental block when saying the word "hawthorne." but, she's getting better at it. a few weeks ago, she would say, "haRRR-thorne," as if she were auditioning to be abigail breslin's understudy in the new hellen keller broadway revival. last week, she was able to fairly clearly say, "harrrr-thorrrne...???" but today, she did it! (sort of). "hawww..... thorne." she told me the trick was to take a deep breath, look off into the distance at a fixed point, and concentrate really, really hard on it.

i promise, i'm not lying about any of this.

5) eric carle.

song of the day...
"history repeating" by propellerheads

movie of the day...

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