Thursday, November 19, 2009

kings, pawns and rocky balboa...

i'm not complaining, but things haven't exactly been going my way lately.

i was sick for a few days last week. my "very hungry caterpillar" diet is not working. and, of course, there was the debacle of the mystery woman who got my number and did absolutely nothing with it. and now, if all this wasn't enough, i have confirmation that i am the worst person in the world... at chess.

i love chess. i just suck at it.

i mean, i really, really suck at it.

i know this because i've been playing on facebook for the past few months with pitiful results. this particular application gives you a ranking to see how you measure up with your opponents. you start off with a score of 1200. it's kind of like the points you receive on an SAT test for spelling your name correctly.

right now, i have a ranking of 1138.


i'm pretty competitive, so... yeah, it bugs me. but, y'know, i haven't lost any sleep over it, or anything. it's just a game, after all. but, still... it bugs me. and it REALLY bugged me two days ago when a guy named reginald sent me this message while he was wiping the floor with me...

"resign. my king and pawn prevent you from attacking my rook, and my rook prevents you from getting my other pawn. i will promote to a queen, and then finish you."

i was like, whoah! kiss my bishop's ass, reginald!!! (his name isn't actually reginald, but i'm calling him that because i think all extremely good chess players should have a name like reginald. reginald's ranking, by the way, is 1467).

"and then i will finish you." who does he think he is? ivan drago? staring down rocky balboa in a sweaty boxing ring with brigitte neilson at his side? "i vill break you... vith my richter-veresov attack."

well, actually he did break me. just like he said he would. but then... i dunno, it was kind of like i heard the rocky theme song in my head. you know the one. he's running up the steps of the philadelphia museum of art. flying high now. avenging the death of his friend apollo creed. or his trainer burgess meredith. or... whatever the heck he was fighting for in rocky 5 (i never saw that one).

whatever. i was pumped! i offered reginald a rematch. and, theme song stuck in my head, i was ready to go. i was gonna stuff his commie words right back inside his skinny little face. i had a plan. i was gonna embarrass him, and i was gonna take him down. or, the reverse of that.

not part of the plan? watching him beat me in seven moves. but that's what happened. looking back at it now? a tad predictable.

i had the eye of the tiger. and the chess skills of a tree stump. still, i challenged him again. i'm sure burt young would've wanted me to throw in the towel, but i went back into the ring.

here's our last conversation...

me: reginald?'re kicking my arse! lol, good work, my friend!
reg: lol. yeah, the first one was fairly close, but last game got away from you pretty quickly
me: or... maybe i'm trying to lure you into a false sense of security... maybe.

"got away from me pretty quickly" sheesh.... lol, i reeeeeeeally want to kick his ass!!

but, hey... if i don't, i don't. at least i'm trying, right? even if i don't rise up to the challenge of my rival, i think there's something to be said about the thrill of the fight.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) givin' it your best shot.
2) that i got home safely today in the rain. when i asked the guy who takes my train ticket how he was doing, he told me, "eh, could be better. not safe going over these slippery rails." and then he walked away. i was thinking, "dude! what in the hairy freak, man?! I'M going over these slippery rails!!!! did he really just SAY that?!?!"
3) i thought the last rocky movie was actually very good.
4) i was sick last week, but it was only for two days. coulda been a lot worse.
5) the diet isn't working, but it's really not all that bad.

song of the day...
"eye of the tiger" by survivor

movie of the day...
"searching for bobby fischer"


  1. Dude, I so needed some of this wonderful humor. In fact I was feelin' a little on the crap side today, and thought to myself, "I need to write to Ryan and see if he can tell me a story that will cheer me up." I guess I didn't have to just write you tho. :) Thanks, you are awesome! "Flyin' High Noooooowwww"..oh, and by the I have seen ALL the Rocky movies and the 5th one is mostly a street fight..I think he is just fighting to prove that he still can. I think...haha

  2. HA!!! thanks!!!

    crazy thing is, i ordered a few movies over the weekend on, and what did they recommend for me???

    ROCKY V!!!

    ...are they reading my blog?!?!?!?!