Monday, October 12, 2009

columbus day with angels and dancing washing machines...

wasn't exactly an eventful day. but i wanted to tell you all about it, anyhow. keeping you in the loop, y'understand.

i had the day off today, in celebration of the great american, christopher columbus-- discoverer of countries that had already been discovered, and founder of a town in ohio. or something. whatever, i was just happy for the opportunity to sleep in.

of course, the woman upstairs was even happier for the chance to do her laundry at 5:07 this morning. which was a drag, as the washing machine is right next to my bed. or, at least it sounds like it, at 5:07 in the morning.

it's a rusty old thing, that washing machine. makes a sound like, "SHISH-AKA-SHISH, SHISH-AKA, SHISH-AKA!!!" which, in the evening, makes you feel like you're in some trendy latin night club, in miami, circa 1954. but, at 5:07 in the morning, it's a sound that makes you wonder if indiana jones and short round will come in time to rescue you from that temple of doom bald guy before he rips the heart right out of your chest.

and that's not a pleasant way for anyone to wake up.

but i got over it. grabbed a bowl or two of oatmeal, sat in front of sportscenter, and 'mike and mike in the morning.' cleaned up the apartment for a little bit while the today show was on. and somehow managed to keep my oatmeal down while they interviewed rush limbaugh.

later on in the day, after air-guitaring my way through, "hot for teacher", i had the thought of buying an angels baseball cap. so i went over to the galleria to look for one at a store called lids. i actually found what i was looking for right away, but decided to form a quick list of pro's and con's before spending my hard-earned and quickly diminishing paycheck.

pro: the angels are playing the yankees, and we hate the yankees.
con: it's too much money that i don't really have.
pro: the angels are playing the yankees, and we hate the yankees.
con: the bill of the cap is so wide and flat, it looks like you could serve tea on it. it'll take me weeks to curl it down to my face.
pro: dude... the yankees.
con: they're called the los angeles angels of anaheim. seriously, how dumb is that?
pro: ...actually, that is pretty dumb, but, still! the yankees!!!

but then came the final straw. the kid behind the counter, bless his heart, says to me, "hi there, can i help you, sir?"


i mean, look, i know he was just doing his job. and, at 37, i am slowly getting used to the thought of people calling me "sir". but it still makes me cringe. and, the thing is, it kept happening to me today! that was the only store i went into, but five different people called me sir. they have all these vendors there, and people were passing out free samples of stuff, each one of them with a "sir"-- "hello, sir, would you like me to take your picture?" "sir? free cinnamon bread?" "would you like to register to win this sock puppet, sir?"

again, just a bunch of people getting paid to do that sort of thing, but, really, after awhile, they might as well have been saying, "say, old timer, would you like to buy this coffin?"

i was literally at the point where i was ready to buy something-- ANYthing at all-- from the next person who didn't call me "sir." seriously, my mind was made up.

"hey, buddy, y'wanna buy a car?" why, yes, i do!
"psst. i got a box of stolen watches. interested, numbnuts?" you bet i am!
"excuse me, friend, but would you happen to have the time?" yes, i would. it's 2:03, and here's a dollar.
"yo, fat ass, come buy this toaster!" SOLD!
"in the market for a beta-max, shit-for-brains?" i am now!


didn't happen.

so, i went home without a cap. watched a coupla' movies, played a little madden football... and that was pretty much it. a day in the life.

not exactly how david lee roth would spend an afternoon back in 1984, but... then again, he probably doesn't remember 1984. and people have probably been calling him "sir" for years now. and his washing machine probably doesn't even know how to do the mambo.

poor bastard.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) van freaking halen, man!
2) saw 'zombieland' the other day. good times.
3) words of wisdom from my friend hawkeye: "i figure if i'm gonna be hard to get along with, i might as well vacuum the rug."
4) really, i never got the whole flat baseball cap thing. i think it makes people look a bit like donald duck.
5) in the galleria, i noticed a store that said, "dental and foot care." and, y'know, my feet and teeth are fine, but... i really kinda wanted to check it out. like... i mean, it's not just me, is it? that's odd, right??? dental and foot care? is it... i mean, do they take care of both at the same time, or how does that work? i dunno, i really have to get back there.

song of the day...
"i'll wait" by van halen

movie of the day...
"raiders of the lost ark" (i really hate "temple of doom")

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