Saturday, September 5, 2009

squirrels on a plane!!!

so, i'm wrong a lot.

if you've never seen mystery science theater 3000, it's basically a show where a guy and a coupla' wisecrackin' robots sit around and watch bad movies in order to make fun of them. and it's hysterical. really, you should see it.

now, 'plan 9 from outer space' is a legendary film from ed wood, that's widely considered to be THE worst movie ever made. and, believe me, i've seen it three times-- it's earned its reputation. so, when i heard that the mst3k troupe was going to be showing & making fun of it on the big screen for one night only, i immediately emailed my friend frizzy (and i'll call her frizzy, because i know how much she loves that nickname), invited her along, and told her to get back to me as soon as she could about the tickets, before it was sold out.

she couldn't make it, which is a drag, because it was hilarious! the movie only gets worse with age, and the skewering was at an A+ level. or maybe A-. either way, she missed a fun night. and... as it turned out, so did a lot of people.

including myself, there were six of us in the entire theater. six of us. in the entire. theater. not exactly sold out. and yet, the new sandra bullock comedy will probably gross over $10 million this weekend. but, anyway, i digress. the point i was trying to make is that i was very, very wrong about the show being sold out. which, i'm totally okay with, because, seriously-- the six of us had a great time.

however, i have to admit, the one thing that truly stood out from the entire evening actually took place before the film was presented. of the many quirky little factoids they put on the screen to divert your attention away from how stale the over-priced popcorn was, this one got me. and, it's not an exact quote, but, believe it or not, it's incredibly close. it said...

"you have a better chance of being killed by a squirrel than you do of dying in a plane crash."

which, really, i think only adds credence to the faa's controversial decision a few months ago to limit the amount of squirrels in our carry-on luggage.

but, no, really, like i said, i'm wrong a lot, but... this can't be true, can it? i mean, how in the hell does anyone get killed by a squirrel?! honest-to-pete, i got home that night and i couldn't get it out of my head! how does this happen??? are they in cahoots with, like, bears or something??? like, some big honkin' grizzly somewhere is telling a squirrel, "psst. hey. you. go over there and distract those campers, and i'll give you five bucks." squirrel's like, "yeah, right on, man."

"say... leslie...?"
"yes, thomas?"
"what is that?"
"what is what?"
"over there, is that a... is that a squirrel? ...with a top hat? and a cane?"
"what? where?"
"over there, past those bushes."
"...oh my goodness, thomas, you're right! how extraodinary!"
"what is he doing?"
"i'm not sure, but... it looks as if he's doing some sort of... shuffle."
"awww! he IS! isn't that just the most darling thing you've ever-- WHOAH!!! BEAR!!! ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

i dunno, stranger things have happened, i guess.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) ninja squirrels.
2) wiseguy hit men squirrels.
3) kamakazee flying squirrels.
4) squirrel zombies.
5) teenaged, houligan squirrles who-- just for kicks, man-- run out suddenly in front of central park roller bladers. while singing showtunes: "when you're a squirrel, you're a squirrel all the way, from your first acorn nut, to your last dying day..."

song of the day...
"something's coming" from 'west side story'

movie of the day...
"plan 9 from outer space." i actually got an email last night from the rifftrax people (the mst3k alumni) saying that there will be an encore presentation on october 8th. "back by popular demand!" it said. to which i replied... "really???"
but, no, it truly was funny. so, if it's playing near you, you should check it out.


  1. So wait, live mst3k and you didn't call me? I don't know how I feel about that Mr. Martin. I still remember a couple of random quotes from the many episodes I watched with you and Jeremy. At least you had fun!

  2. MST3K and Plan 9 from Outer Space - you can't get any better (worse?). Glad you and six strangers had a great time.
    ...and don't underestimate squirrels. They're tricksy.

  3. I <3 RiffTrax, and have every MST3K ever (including specials) on a hard drive at home.

    There's a group in Austin who did "Mister Sinus Theater" -- essentially a live version of MST3K (though with different guys) for a number of years. Until Best Brains sued them. I saw them do "Snakes on a Plane", which was every single bit as amazing as you would expect.