Monday, September 28, 2009

muddy shoes, fights i've avoided & the struggle of gilbert...

the first things i saw, when i got on the train this afternoon, were the socks of a fellow passenger. his muddy shoes were on top of the seat next to him. thought that was pretty rude.

but, because i was able to hold my breath and quickly walk by, i wasn't nearly as annoyed at him as i was by the dude who sat behind me and kicked my seat for 20 minutes. why do people do that? has this never happened to him? does he not know how infuriating that is? or was he doing it on purpose, because i wasn't wearing a yankee cap? i don't get it.

i shot him a few looks, and considered asking him to stop, but that's always a risky maneuver. trust me, i know. after shushing a woman and her kid at a movie theater once, she rushed out of the room to get her husband to beat me up.

this is a true story. i haven't had to shush anyone at a theater in awhile, but i'd do it again. especially her. i would shush this woman any day of the week. i mean, it's one thing if you're whispering during a movie. making an effort to be considerate, y'know? or if you're talking just above a bird-like whisper because you're trying to explain the plot of the film to your blind, deaf and mentally disabled grandparent. that's slightly okay.


but this woman was having a full-blown conversation with her perfectly healthy kid. and she was so loud that she was drowning out hugh jackman! i shushed and i shushed, and i wasn't the only one. six rows of people hated this woman. finally-- and i never do this-- i walked out of the theater to get security.

i walked back in and gave her my best, "m'hm! now you're gonna GET it!" look, but security never came. and she kept talking. and talking. and, after that, she was talking. eventually, i'd had enough. i just walked over to her and said-- louder than hugh-- "would you PLEASE just SHUT UP?!?!?!"

that's when she took off. in a huff. security came about three minutes later, and i said, "it's okay, she left." lol, like i was one of them, y'know? "it's alright, boys, we nearly had ourselves a four-sixteen, 12-oh-niner, but i took care of it."

"would you come with me, sir?"

they were cool about it. i think it must have been clear to everyone in the lobby that this woman, and her steroid-inflicted husband, were both a bit out of their coconuts. so we just stood there for awhile talking about how rude people are sometimes. and then they gave me a free ticket to come back and see the movie again another day, and snuck me out of the building through the employee exit. which made me feel like a rock star. with an entourage.

but i am amazed at how rude people can be.

back to today. when i got off the train, i headed over to target, because i needed to pick up a few things, and... well, i had to pee. and their bathrooms are sparkly. as opposed to the facilities in the galleria mall of white plains.

("galleria" --as some of you may know-- is actually a latin word meaning, "we never clean our toilets.")

i thought i could make it, but, hey. when y'gotta go, y'gotta go. and the galleria mall is much closer.

because i know some of you read this while eating a late night snack, i won't go into details about the state of things in that room. but i will tell you that while i was washing my hands (profusely), a man in a suit came in-- stood right next to me, and began a furious struggle with his facial blemish.

it was more gross than fascinating, but it was fascinating nonetheless. like something out of the discovery channel. man vs. zit: gilbert before the big job interview.

all in all, though, it was just something i didn't really need to see. nothing to call security about, but it would've been nice to see those guys toss gilbert out on his arse. i'm sure, whenever he's on a train, gilbert kicks the backs of people's seats, too.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) the thought that one day hugh jackman will gain 500 pounds. because then i can call him huge assman.
2) ken burns. watched his new documentary on pbs last night-- "national parks: america's best idea". just unbelievably well done and beautiful.
3) we have this little girl in our classroom who should have been named joy. literally every single thing you do (except clean her nose) is a reason for her to smile. and it's not just a regular smile. it's like a cartoon character's smile. just picture the widest grin you've ever seen and multiply it by twelve. and then add three. and that's joy. it's the sweetest thing.
4) refrigerator magnets.
5) the thought that someone reading this will actually turn to a friend and/or loved one and say, "hey! did you know that 'galleria' is a latin word that means 'we never clean our toilets'?"

song of the day...
"i kicked a boy" by the sundays

movie of the day...
"the prestige"

1 comment:

  1. I've done the security thing once or twice, and have been consistently enough annoyed by people's poor movie theater manners that I've pretty well given up on seeing movies in the theater. John Rogers has a great rant on the topic:

    The Prestige was pretty great! And thanks for the Latin vocabulary word.