Monday, September 7, 2009

the naked man outside my door...

so... y'know those mornings when you wake up and you think to yourself, "hmmm... i wonder if i'm going to see a naked man today"?

no. me neither.

because there is absolutely no reason for me to be seeing a naked man, on pretty much any day of the week. and yet... there he was.

the soda guy. naked. as the day he was born. naked. three steps away from my door. and two steps away from the frequently used door to the basement. seriously, people come through there all the time to do their laundry-- and it was five o'clock in the freaking afternoon on labor day-- everybody's home!!! and the soda guy is RIGHT THERE!!! ...NAKED!!! taking off the last stitch of his clothes, about ready to get in to the shower.

bit of an unpleasant surprise, really. especially since i reached my tri-monthly naked man-ass quota last week, when i watched the woodstock movie.

"oh, sorry about that," he said.

and this is where i failed. kind of froze up, i think. 'cause... i dunno, it was such a shock-- i came out into the hall to microwave some blueberry poptarts, i didn't expect to have dinner and a show, y'know what i mean? so, when he said, "oh, sorry about that" i just chuckled and said, "hey, don't worry about it, no problem."

don't WORRY about it?!?! NO PROBLEM?!?!?! well, yeah, actually, there is something of a problem!!! and, yes, this IS something he should worry about, right??? urgh, what the hell was i thinking???

"oh, sorry about that."
" 'that'??? ...oh, you mean your penis in my face? yeah. that. look, 'sorry' won't bake the cornbread, home skillet. y'gotta cover up yer business, cochise."

see? how difficult would that have been??? but, no, instead i somehow decided to go with the casual, friendly neighborhood, "no problem." basically giving him the okay to streak across the entire building whenever the mood struck. "hey! come on over to ryan's house! come see the naked guy!!! w'hoooooooooooo!!!"


dude, when i win the lottery, i'm building a house wherein naked men will be strictly forbidden. i'm gonna put up signs that say, "this is a clothed man only zone" and "naked man free since 2009".


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) modesty.
2) wrigley's doublemint gum.
3) it's been pretty much non-stop football today. madden football, watched 'rudy' this morning, rutgers football's on espn, and then miami'll be on later tonite!
4) saw the trailer for the new 'boondock saints' movie a few days ago!!! sweeeeeeet!
5) that i live in a house with five other people who have yet to show me their naked ass.


song of the day...
"bare naked" by jennifer love hewitt

movie of the day...
it's actually a tv show-- one of the best ever, in fact-- 'arrested development.' because i've been sitting here for the past hour or so wondering why i couldn't have had as a housemate tobias funke, the never-nude.

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