i've been delaying the topic of this blog for about a day and a half now, because i didn't know how to say it without sounding like a moron. i figured i'd sit on it for awhile, wait on some inspiration to click, and then i could get it all out.
so, i'm winging it.
wish me luck.
when i was a freshman in college, i was taking a walk on campus with a friend of mine named bob (not his actual name). this was right around dusk, on the night before our classes began, and we found ourselves talking about our futures. how excited we were about whatever the next four years would hold, and how terrified we were about the same thing.
and then the stars came out.
and, y'know, this is the craziest thing, but i had never actually looked at them before. i mean, i'd looked at the stars-- i've always loved to look at the stars. but i had never actually looked at them while they were coming out. and i was just amazed.
it sounds funny, i guess, but it had never dawned on me that the stars came out the way they did. one by one. slowly. like they were taking their time, you know? like they were backstage at a show, and God was there, directing them as to where and when they were to make their entrances.
and it really touched my heart. i thought, y'know, i mean, He's God, right? if He wanted to, He could have just plopped the stars in the sky like something out of a monty python flick: "(DOINK!) there y'go. stars. I'm going to bed. zzzzzzzzzzzzz."
but, something about it seemed so deliberate. as if He were lovingly creating this display every single night, whether there was an audience for it or not. and that night, i felt like i had a front row seat. and all my fears about the future seemed a lot smaller.
i was thinking about this yesterday, as i was walking to the train station. one of the very (very) few advantages of being awake and outside at 6:30 in the morning is the way the sky will sometimes greet you. and yesterday was like that. it was like something forrest gump was telling jenny about toward the end of the movie. pink and blue skies, like a mural on the wall of a baby's nursery.
God is a damn good painter.
when someone asks me, "if you say you believe in God, then why is there so much pain in the world?" i always think the opposite. "if there's not a God, then why is there so much beauty?"
and i know that sounds corny, and i know that makes me sound naive and a bit moronic. believe me, when my mom passed away a few years back, the last thing in my heart and mind was, "it's okay, because God made rainbows."
but i'm telling you, whenever i take the time to appreciate the things He's created, i can feel God's love. i can feel His warmth. i can feel His mercy, and i can feel His grace.
it is absolutely devastating.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) God (again).
2) having a card in my wallet that says (something like), "ryan martin: asst. teacher at a child care center." i'm always making silly faces at kids on escalators, and i know one of these days a parent is going to have a problem with it. but now i'm prepared. i'll just whip out the card and tell them, "it's okay, ma'am. i'm a trained professional."
3) i just heard today that one of my favorite bands --a crazily good blues duet called the black keys-- is going to make an album with some of my favorite rappers!!!!!!!!!! ludacris, q-tip, mos def!!!!!!!!! can. not. WAIT!!!!
4) death cab for cutie: "pretend that every slot machine is a robot amputee waving hello." genius.
5) the funny thing about the "stars coming out" story was me immediately rambling on and on about it-- this profound, insightful, poignant moment in my life-- only to turn around to see bob peeing in the middle of the soccer field. lol, he was like, "yeah, man, that's cool. stars, dude."
song of the day...
"happy where you are" by chance of rain
movie of the day...