Saturday, September 5, 2009

revenge of the squirrel!!!

so, this morning, about an hour after i finished a blog about killer squirrels, i went outside to grab a bite to eat and was startled by-- what else? --a squirrel darting out of the bushes.

seriously, i'm not kidding, he practically went underneath my foot! it just really made me laugh, after having spent so much time wondering, in blog form, how a squirrel could ever be considered dangerous. and then, boom! i literally could have broken my neck, tripping over one.

death by squirrel.

you'd have to assume, right? that, if that would have happened, God would have laughed at me? i mean, y'know, not in a mean way; i don't want to be accused of being a blasphemer, i'm just saying that i think God has a good sense of humor, and a rich appreciation of irony. and i really could picture Him welcoming me into heaven with a hug and a smile, saying, "well done, my good and faithful servant... hahaha! little bugger came outta nowhere, didn't he??? hahahaha! ah, squirrels! anyway, come on in, let's grab some pizza!"

...i dunno. maybe not.

but i am sure that the squirrel i saw this morning was not too happy with my previous blog. it was a little scary, i'm not even gonna lie about it. it was kind of like that hitchcock movie-- y'know, the one with all the birds? i can't recall the title of it, but basically, what happened was tippi hendren wrote a blog about how much she hated birds, so they tried to kill her. with guns. or something like that.

anyway, all this to say, i decided to make up for any squirrel animosity i may have caused in the past by sharing with you this story. it's not exactly a squirrel-in-cape super hero story, but i think it's quite adorable.

my friend from south africa moved to new york to become a nanny about two years ago. i'll call her meryl, as she's now in california to pursue her acting career. meryl and i used to talk on the phone all the time, and one day, in the middle of a sentence about something or other, she got really excited about something else--"ooh! look!!!" she said, "there it is!!! there it is!!!"

when i asked her if she was okay, and asked her what she was talking about, she told me, in a high pitched voice, "oooh, it's so cute!!! there's a baby squirrel in the back yard!!!" i thought about it, and... i have to tell you, i got a little excited, too. i said to her, "really? because... honestly, i don't know if i've ever seen a baby squirrel."

think about it, have you ever seen a baby squirrel? y'know, i'm pretty sure they exist, but... meryl was the first person i know to ever claim to see one. i asked her to take a picture, but it scooted away rather quickly. which didn't surprise me a great deal, as elusive as baby squirrels have proven to be.

the next morning, and for weeks afterwards, i told my coworkers and all my friends and family about this. really, i thought this was the coolest thing, because no one-- absolutely no one-- i talked to had ever seen a baby squirrel before. and yet, about once a week, meryl and i would be on the phone, and she'd say, "ooh! there it is again!!!" her place seemed to be a baby squirrel safe haven or something. i was pretty jealous. it was like they had a sign in their backyard, "no need to scurry, baby squirrels. for on these grounds you shall be protected and warm..."

(by the way, i find that last sentence to be a great deal funnier if said in the voice of "inside the actor's studio" host james lipton)

so, a few months go by, we're on the phone again, and meryl says, "oh, by the way? remember the baby squirrel?" of course i remembered the baby squirrel! "yeah, well, it turns out it wasn't a baby squirrel." WHAT??? "yeah, it was something called a chipmunk."


i laughed pretty hard and said, "are you serious???" to which she responded, "well, yeah... what do i know about squirrels? i'm from south africa!" fair point actually, but then i asked her, "their tails are so different! what the heck, dude?"

"yeah," she said, "i know, but i just thought they hadn't grown in yet."

and again, i say...


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) actors.
2) meeting new friends. everytime i go onto my "people you may know" page on facebook, it's always crowded with 50 people i've never even seen before. so i finally gave up and decided to friend request everyone.
3) citi field!!! holycow, it's the best ballpark i've ever been to! my farmville homies and i went to a game last night. it's beautiful.
4) and the mets actually WON!!! and i got ice cream in a baseball helmet and a pepsi in a souveneir cup. and! i successfully made it through the entire game without purposefully mispronouncing the last name of the centerfielder for the chicago cubs, kosuke fukudome.
5) all creatures great and small.

song of the day...
"the chipmunk song" by alvin and the chipmunks.

movie of the day...
"rear window."

1 comment:

  1. death by squirrel....can you just imagine the obit? sad and funny.