Thursday, August 13, 2009

the sound of silence...

like i said, i love working with women. i just don't always understand them.

a coworker of mine, who, for good reason, will remain nameless, ducked into my classroom this afternoon at naptime and immediately began digging into the back of her pants. i looked around to see if all the kids were sleeping (they were), and shot her a glance as if to imply the only two words one could say on such an occasion: "what the?"

"i'm sorry," she whispered, "it feels like there's something in my butt. oh-- okay, got it. it was just my g-string. it felt like a lump of shit." to this, i naturally replied, "you... you thought you had a lump of shit in your pants, so you went digging in there... with your bare hands???"

the women i work with tell me everything. to them, i'm just one of the girls. i just have more facial hair than, well, most of them. i always have to remind them, "hey! hey, hey, hey! man in the room!" because, apparently, i blush easily.

but with all this sharing, they still can't fart in front of me. what's THAT about?! c'mon, ladies, it's 2009, for pete's sake! but, no. not a whimper. even when they announce it to me-- which, by the way, happens at least once a week. "urgh," they'll say, "i really have to fart." cool, go fot it. "no way!!!" no, seriously, it's alright, let 'er rip! "ewwwwwwwww!!!"

i don't get it.

i've only known one woman in my life who would pass the wind with no shame, and i really admired her for it. she was tall, and gorgeous. beautiful green eyes. had a zest for life and loved to laugh. i'll call her tootie.

tootie was from california. we went to college together. i can still see her sitting on our dorm room floor, listening to simon and garfunkel, legs crossed, a sneaky smile crawling over her face... frrrrrrrrrrrnt. "heh, heh, heh, heh." tootie laughed like elmer fudd.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) bold women.
2) the way regina spektor says the word "mEEEtings"
3) some chucklehead (me) at work broke the refrigerator, and, even though we're a non-profit organization in an unstable economy, and even though-- much to the dismay of al gore-- said chucklehead (still me) released toxic freon into the atmosphere... no one was fired.
4) that big, honkin' leashless dog who decided not to bite me on my walk home.
5) the theme song to 'the facts of life'.

song of the day...
"hero" by regina spektor

movie of the day...
"baby mama" dude, i love tina fey!!!


  1. With regard to women: you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...

    I was trying to think who you would have gone to college with who was from CA, tall, gorgeous and flatulent, but I couldn't figure it out. Probably for the best.

  2. even if you guessed it, i wouldn't tell you... although i can't imagine she'd be embarrassed.

  3. Hey there, Love. Eyes are still green, hair is now brown and hot pink. Flatulence abounds and every once in a while, I stink. XO

  4. Great... now I have two songs vying for position inside of my tiny little head: The Facts of Life theme song and The Final Countdown. An odd little compilation, if I do say so myself.