Sunday, August 23, 2009

ryan?! could you please stop your (f-word) swearing?!

seeing as i walked in the door this afternoon JUST in time to see my beloved mets of new york go down to the wretched phillies of philadelphia-- and this in the bottom of the ninth, on one of only 14 unassisted triple plays in the history of major league baseball-- i thought it would be a good time to tackle a subject i've been meaning to discuss for a week or two... swearing.

it's a bit of a contradiction, i s'pose. i mean... i'm a Christian. and i take that very seriously. but occasionally i'll say and write some words that i didn't exactly learn in sunday school. you may have noticed. i'm not proud of that, really-- but that has less to do with my faith than it does with the thought that, more than likely, swearing makes me sound stupid.


when i was a lot younger, i was hanging out with some homies of mine and i matter of factly told them about something that had "pissed me off." when a friend stopped me mid-story and asked if i could rephrase what i had just said, i really didn't know what he was talking about. "that phrase," he said, "it's offensive." what phrase? "you know what phrase." i... dont know what phrase. "yes you do." no. i really have no idea what phrase.

really. i had no idea what phrase. i'd been saying that for years. in front of everybody. teachers, my mom, my pastor, nuns who happened to be within earshot. i never thought twice about it until it was called offensive, and i was really upset. it made me worry about all the people i may have offended over the years without even realizing it.

so i called a missionary friend of mine to talk it over. told her the whole story, and i asked her what she thought i should do about it. and was she ever offended by anything i said? and/or did she know who i may have offended along the way, and could she possibly give me their phone numbers so i could apologize or, y'know, treat them to a cherry flavored water ice at rita's? honestly, i was devastated with the possibility that i may have insulted the hearts of so many people i loved, and i was close to tears when i asked my dear friend, "what do you think?"

i'll never forget it. she sighed and said, "oh, shit, ryan, i dunno."

lol, huge weight off my conscious! after that conversation i pretty much realized about swearing that it all depends on where your ears have been. what's offensive to some means nothing to others. and, while i don't go out of my way to drop 15 ton f-bombs all over white plains... it's safe to say that i don't offend easy.

still, in order to not step on too many toes, i developed a theory years ago that i'm going to try to come back to from time to time in this-here blog. swearing: it doesn't count if you do it in a foreign accent. let's test it out, shall we? please feel free to let me know if you're more or less offended...

"can ewe believe this shite?"
"aye! ehts a pain in the arse!"
"ets a moother fooker!"
"aye! sun of a bee-yoch."

oh, i forgot to mention that i usually go with either an irish accent or some sort of late 1990s ghetto rap theme, and that sometimes i mix it up between the two.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) rita's italian water ice!!! it's been way too long since i've been!
2) rachel mcadams. i saw 'the time travelers wife' today. not a bad flick. not a fantastic flick, but no matter what i've ever seen her in, i think rachel mcadams has always been amazing. can't take your eyes off her.
3) we are no longer in single digits, my friends!!! today 'the 5 things' blog has welcomed its tenth follower!!! w'hooooooooo!
4) lexulous, on facebook.
5) four-letter word-spoutin' missionaries! God bless 'em!

song of the day...
"potty mouth" by danielson

movie of the day...
"wedding crashers"

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