ah, to be merry, no matter who is shitting in your toilet...

so, i got a little pissed off today. but then i got home, and read this on a friend's facebook page: "The tendency to whine and complain may be taken as the surest sign of a little soul and an inferior intellect. ~Lord Jeffrey"

and, after careful contemplation, and deep, deep meditation on these profound words of wisdom, i've come to the conclusion that this is what i would say if i were ever face to face with the good lord jeffrey... "lord jeffrey? you could kiss my big, fat ass."

because, look, the purpose of this blog isn't to find five things to fall in love with and wash out all the unhappiness in the world. i think it's okay to complain every now and again. it's alright to be annoyed, it's okay to be pissed off. just, y'know, don't make a habit of it. (and, really, i think that's what jeff was talking about-- he did say the "tendency" to whine and complain, right? ...but, he can still kiss my ass, the self-righteous snob.)

a coworker of mine is leaving the center. and i'm very sad to see her go. she's absolutely fantastic, and loves the kids with all of her sizable heart. she's a riot, too-- we laugh all the time in our classroom. it's not going to be the same without her, and i'm not just saying this because i know she's probably reading it! (blog stalker!)

she's great and will be missed a bunch, but we're also very happy for her. no one gets rich working at a day care center, and she was offered a job that will easily double her current salary. and-- especially in this economy-- who can say no to that???

here comes the annoying part...

she was really nervous about giving our boss her two weeks notice, so we were all ears when she came back in the room after doing so. "it went well," she said. "in fact, she was really nice about it. she said the sweetest thing-- when i told her how much i loved working with you guys, she said, 'oh, well, let me tell you, you really brought out the best in ryan.' "

and, y'know, on one hand-- and, it's a very big hand-- it's absolutely true. she did bring out the best in me. she brings out the best in a lot of people. and we had a train wreck of a coworker before she came along, so it only amplified the happiness we felt in working along side her.

but... my boss didn't say "we". she didn't say, "you bring out the best in the homies you work with." she mentioned me. just me.

and i know i have a bit of a reputation around there for being a touch cranky every so often. but that's only because... every so often i'm a touch cranky. and i speak my mind. for instance, there's no men's room in the building. there are two one-toilet unisex bathrooms for the world to share, and a big, honkin' luxurious women's room with seats as far as the eye can see. but, i found that time and time again i had to wait in a line for the unisex bathroom because several women "wanted to poo someplace more private."

and i think that's really rude. i mean, i don't want to leave my coworkers short handed, but that's what i'm doing everytime i go to the bathroom. and now, i have to wait even longer because... the lady wants as few people as possible to know that her poo does not smell of royal pine? c'mon. it's not right. so i wrote a letter about it. to everyone. and... i don't regret writing it, but i do regret when i sent it out.

never send out a letter written in anger, my friends.

if i would have waited a day or two, i would have realized that what i thought was a letter written with humorous sarcasm reeeeeeeeeeally came across as stupid and bitter. i made myself sound like a dumbass.

and there are a few more scattered incidents along the way that lead me to the sad but inevitable conclusion that i have very much earned this reputation for being
a schmoe. but i also know this: for every time i've been in a bad mood and have overreacted to something minor, for every time i've made a clown out of myself or have rubbed someone the wrong way... i know i've made a it a better day for at least ten more people. i know i do more good than harm.

now, i'm not bragging. in fact, i am the by far the most selfish person i know-- i really am. and if i've accomplished anything good in my life, i realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that it has nothing at all to do with me, and everything to do with my favorite verse in the Bible-- phillipians 4:13.

but, i know how hard i'm trying. i know how often i go out of my way to be nice to people-- even when i'm tired, even when i'm not in the mood to do so, even when the only thing i want to do is go back to bed. and, sheesh, it's so annoying to not be recognized for that! i feel like whenever my boss sees me, she still sees that stupid letter i wrote about the bathroom. and that makes me want to barge into her office sometimes and scream, "HEY! I BRING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE, TOO, Y'KNOW?! YOU BIG JERK!!! I'M A MOTHERFUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE!!!"

but... yeah, i somehow don't think that would do too much to prove my point! and, for the record, she's not a jerk.

truthbetold, i don't know what i'm annoyed at. my boss for not seeing me as i am? or me, for not being where i probably should be? i mean, is she right? nothing wrong about being happier because things are going my way, of course, but... what i'm striving for is to be content despite my circumstances. to be content even when my day sucks. and maybe i have a longer way to go to reach that goal than i thought i did when i woke up this morning...

eh, bare with me, people, i'm a work in progress.


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) people who bring the best out in you.
2) this conversation between another coworker of mine and three-year-old "ralph"... cw: "ralph, you can sit on my lap, but please don't fart on me anymore... i'm allergic." ralph: "oh. okay."
3) the thought that i'm probably smarter than the chucklehead who i saw get arrested at white plains yesterday morning, after trying to get by with a fake train ticket.
4) radiohead.
5) that no matter where i am, no matter how close i am to holiness or how far i've fallen from it, i know that God still loves me.

song of the day...
"twisted nerve" by rza

movie of the day...
"kill bill, volume 1" holycrow, i LOVE this movie!!!