Sunday, August 9, 2009

exaggerations and overweight women...

it's so good to know who you are.

someone asked me today if this blog was a bit of a way of finding myself. and my immediate reaction was, hey, i'm 36. if i haven't found myself by now, something's wrong! so i wrote back to her and said, "not sure if it's about finding myself, but... more about being completely honest about where i'm at right now, and where and who i want to be."

then i thought for a moment and wrote, "so, yeah, maybe this... is about finding myself! LOL!"

(i overuse "lol" by the way. very rarely when i write it am i actually laughing out loud. maybe, at best, i'm chuckling out loud, but i feel like if i wrote "col" people wouldn't know what i was talking about. they'd think, maybe, i wanted to say something about coal, but suffered a typo mishap and suddenly lost my train of thought. "that's hysterical!!! COAL!!! hey, i've been meaning to ask you, what do you think about pandas?")

anyway... i think i'm like a lot of people who could get up one morning, look in the mirror and ask, "wow! why is everyone in the world NOT in love with me??? what don't they get?!" and then, the very next morning, same mirror, could ask, "am i the most horrible person who has ever lived???" i'm exaggerating, of course-- on both sides of that coin-- but the point, and my hope, is to find that happy medium more consistently.

key word being, "happy."

like this woman i saw yesterday. walking down the street near my apartment in white plains, ny, i caught this woman checking herself out in the reflection of a building we were both passing. she must have been a good 150 pounds overweight, and had this huge smile on her face. what made her so happy, i have no idea. could have been the person she was on her way to see. could have been the joke someone told her an hour before, that she just got. could have been gas. but i like to think she was looking at herself and thinking, "kiss my ass, vogue. i'm gorgeous."

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) a huge smile on the face of a stranger.
2) the smell of rain.
3) mcdonald's hashbrowns. good gravy, it's like they put heroin inside them. what the freak?!
4) the thought that i might just be smarter than the cnn reporter who asked this question to a man who had airplane debris fall into his lawn after a tragic crash over the hudson river: "is this the first time something like this has happened to you?" and this was moments after reporting the fact that "tires are made out of rubber." he actually said that.
5) laughing out loud.

song of the day...
"tennessee stud" by johnny cash

movie of the day...
"milk" --great cast!

'nite folks!


  1. Someone enjoyed Julie & Julia! A blog is a wonderful thing. I think you will find more peace with joy then happiness. As they say joy is lasting, happiness is fleeting!

  2. Dude...I need to fuckin' work off like 50lbs but I still totally LOVE myself. I check myself out and take photos all the time. I am so gorgeous! Everybody does love me :-D