Tuesday, December 29, 2009


just got back from watching the movie 'nine'.


wasn't a terrible film, but it wasn't nearly as good as it wanted to be. i thought fergie was great. and kate hudson was very, very good. but overall, i didn't care for the songs. at all, really. and i also couldn't help but wonder whether certain people might have been miscast. i mean, i love daniel day lewis. he's always amazing. and he was fantastic in many of his scenes here, but it doesn't mean he can sing, does it? it was... it was kind of bad.

midway through his second song it dawned on me who he sounded like. and i defy you to listen to these men back to back and tell me i'm wrong. daniel day lewis singing "i can't make this movie" ...and jason segal as dracula from 'forgetting sarah marshall.'

"and if I see Van Helsing, I swear to the Lord I will slay him! A-ha-ha-haa!"

(i'm telling you, it's uncanny.)

but none of this bothered me half as much as the people seated around me. DAMMIT, if it were up to me, you'd have to pass a movie-going rudeness quiz in order to enter a theater.

i knew i was in trouble before the movie even began, when the cat in front of me took three minutes to sit down. as if he was taking off his coat and then suddenly turned into a six-foot-four Rain Man. "one sleeve, and now i will... freeze for no apparent reason while watching the new tyler perry trailer and thinking of my main man vern... v.e.r.n. vern." dude had the wingspan of some monster from of the old 'clash of the titans' flick, and he just stood there. like a statue. like a big, dumb statue. i mean, sheesh, fart in my phone booth while yer at it, ray.

he talked with his wife during the entire movie, of course. just a tad bit louder than the woman on the phone across from me. who was just a tad bit less annoying than all the cellphones that were lit up every ten minutes or so throughout the whole theater.

"well, i'm not on the phone, i'm just texting," they'd say. as if it didn't look like fireworks from the back row. seriously, at one point, there were so many people texting in front of me, i thought U2 was in concert somewhere and no one told me. like bono was singing "40" and everyone was lifting up their modern day lighters in tribute.

really, i mean, i don't want to be that guy, y'know? the "shushie" guy. but, these days, i find it hard not to be. it's just that, when i go to the movies, i don't want to just be entertained, i want to get completely lost in another world. and it's impossible to do that with so many distractions around me.

so, i dunno. maybe it was a better movie than i thought. i do like musicals. maybe it was just a bad experience. and maybe i could've made it a better time for everyone by replacing my shushing with song lyrics of my own. lol, maybe that's the way to shut up a rude movie-goer? freak him out. can you imagine? some guy randomly standing up in the theater and just belting something out?

"why must you ruin my movie with your moooouth???
why must you talk, tell me what is that all aboooout???
i can hear every single stupid word you sayyyy!!!
and it makes me want to punch you your simple faaaace!!!

i'm sorry for singing! but we will get through this!
at least i'm not as bad as daniel day lewis!
i'm sorry for singing! i know that it's not right!
but your cell phones were glaring at me like a spotlight!"

...eh, it's a work in progress.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) bad musicals.
2) judi dench.
3) good musicals.
4) louis armstrong.
5) not getting into a fight at the movie theater.

song of the day...
"be italian" by fergie. the show stopper from 'nine'. fergie kicked some ass there.

movie of the day...
daniel day lewis double feature! "there will be blood" and "gangs of new york"


  1. I am seriously cracking up over here. I'm sort of interested in seeing Nine....and I will definitely wait for it to come out on DVD.

    I assumed Daniel Day Lewis couldn't sing....and I'm really looking forward to the badness of that.

    I would pay good money to see (and hear) someone stand up in the middle of theater and sing that song. And then I would probably die of laughter. The only thing that would be able to top that is if other movie goers instinctively knew what you were going to sing and started singing with you.

  2. I think the same people that were in your theater were also in mine this afternoon when Peter and I went to see the Nutcracker. In the Academy of Music, no less.... One guy tripped down the stairs and pratically landed in my lap during the first number. And, the usher kept seating people up until 4:50 (for a 4:00 show). We were interrupted six times. :) I think I'm going to write a letter to customer service...

  3. Yay! Preach it, Ryan!

    The tweet I didn't quite post after seeing Avatar in glorious digital 3D: "There is no experience that the cinema can provide that is so immersive and glorious that some chucklehead in the seat behind you can't ruin it for you with his bad manners."