Sunday, February 21, 2010

chess victory!!!!!!! VICTORY!!!!!!!

okay, so where was i?

right. i was playing online facebook-chess against a stranger and was convinced that i was beating him soundly, until he started challenging my strategy in a very subtle and distinguished manner: by asking if i was retarded.

i responded by trying to convince him that i WAS, in fact, retarded, in hopes that i would A) make him feel guilty, and B) make him feel dumb and insecure about his own chess skills, if and when i eventually beat the crap out of him (at chess).

it didn't work.

and, really, having had a few days to think about it-- and i could be wrong about this, but-- i think a failed attempt to persuade someone that you're retarded is not altogether such a terrible thing.

having said that, his complete lack of empathy made me want to beat him even more...

him: what? are you retarded?
me: actually, i am a little bit. are you an asshole?
him: actually i am a little bit.

hmmmm. yeah. just a little bit.

then he continued...

him: are you going to stop putting me in check with your queen? because, otherwise i'm just going to keep moving away, and its just going to be a chase all over the board, that will be for no reason at all.

this made me study the board again. "no reason at all"??? i was beginning to think that he was just bluffing. trying to get me off my game. trying to make me zig instead of zag. it became more clear to me than ever that i knew what i was doing. which was weird. and scary. and made me want to zig instead of zag.

so, i thought i'd try to get into HIS head a little. if i couldn't convince him that i was mentally disabled, i could still focus on how little i knew about chess. and, since he struck me as the homophobic type, i thought i'd also try to flirt with him...

me: okay. you win. i will not put you in check with my queen. i will now put you in check with that thingie that looks like a castle. and, btw, i thought it was obvious-- i'm only chasing you because you're so damn pretty.

eight moves later? checkmate!!!

the five things i fell in love with today...

2) saw the new scorsese flick today... kinda wanna watch it again, as i suspect this'll be a film i'll grow to love the more i see it...
3) read a thing on aol the other day about tina fey and how good lookin' she is, and a reader chimed in that she was "very easy on the eyes to look at". lol, he's got a way with words, that one.
4) ortolan!!!
5) i challenged this chess dude to a rematch, emphasizing my lack of skill once again, and calling him "sweetheart." which i came to regret, three hours later, after watching 'the godfather' and remembering that this guy's last name sounded very italian.

song of the day...
"mambo italiano" by rosemary clooney

movie of the day...
BEST PICTURE MOVIE MARATHON!!!!!!! "the godfather" and "the godfather, part 2" no matter how many times you see either of these, there will always be something new to discover...

1 comment: