Friday, January 1, 2010

The Worst Ten (or eleven) Movies I Paid To See in 2009...

here's about $90 that i'll never get back...

10) "taken" everybody i know loved this movie. and it made a bunch of money, so i'm somewhat tempted to ask myself if i was wrong about this flick. but, no, i'm sticking to my guns. i thought it was boring.

9) "x-men origins: wolverine" this movie would've been AWESOME if they made it into a musical. "i have claws! steel-y claws! i can slice a tin can! i'm a very deadly weapon but i don't know who i am..."

8) "coraline" and "9" i'm counting these as the same exact movie, as i thought the same thing about both of them. amazing animation. you can tell they put a great deal of effort into every frame. so much so that i think they forgot about investing the same amount of time into their characters. in the middle of both films, i realized that i didn't care one way or another about what happened to any of them.

7) "surrogates" if you asked me what i could remember about this movie three minutes after the end credits rolled, i would have said something about bruce willis looking a lot better with no hair. and then, for the next half an hour, i would've said, "uhm... and, uhh..."

6) "couples retreat" classic case of a production company placing all the funny bits of a movie in its trailer, leaving the paying customer with two minutes of funny... and an hour and forty minutes of crap.

5) "observe and report" this one forgot the funny altogether. i actually liked "paul blart: mall cop" better than this.

4) "whatever works" woody allen has made some of my favorite movies of alltime. and he's also made some stuff i didn't care for all that much. but i didn't think he ever made a film you could call terrible. until this. i think a better title would have been "eh, i dunno. whatever works. just let my six-year-old neice direct this picture, i'm gonna go to the knicks game."

3) "land of the lost" i don't know what i could have been thinking, walking into this. i loved the tv show as a kid. this just about broke my heart. shame on you, will ferrell. shame. on. you.

2) "g.i. joe: the rise of cobra" i loved playing with g.i. joe's too, as a kid. what a piece of turd this was. and i'm just going to say this outloud-- i don't care how pretty he is, channing tatum is the worst actor alive.

1) "transformers: revenge of the fallen" and, ladies and gentlemen, here it is. not only the worst movie of the year, but also the completion of the "stomp all over ryan martin's childhood" trifecta.

all these movies were pretty awful, but this is the one flick in 2009 that genuinely pissed me off. shia lebeouf was walking around like he wanted to be channing tatum when he grew up. this movie was so bad, it even turned john turturro into a bad actor. after awhile, i even stopped caring how hot megan fox was!

MEGAN FOX!!!!!!!

urgh! i hated this movie. and what i hate more than anything else is that i know they're going to make a "transformers 3: revenge of the guy who invented WD-40" or whatever... and i know i'll go see it opening weekend.

big, dumb action movies. i can't help myself.

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) vince vaughan in "swingers"
2) will ferrell in "stranger than fiction"
3) megan fox in "how to lose friends and alienate people"
4) john turturro's "romance and cigarettes"
5) woody allen's "annie hall"

song of the day...
"don't go breaking my heart" by elton john and kiki dee

movie of the day...
i was really disappointed by "monsters vs. aliens", too, actually. but i really dug "funny people". just throwing that out there, in case seth rogan was reading this.

No comments:

Post a Comment