Saturday, January 30, 2010

adios, eharmony!!!

this morning, after about a year and a half and 3,528 matches, i decided to cancel my eharmony account. it's been a lot of fun, and i've met a good number of great people, but i just don't want to spend the money anymore.

cheap bastard that i am.

by any chance, if you're thinking about joining eharmony, i'd definitely encourage you to do so. and i'm not just saying that because "eharmony jack" is (apparently) a regular reader of this blog, and may or may not be watching my every move from the parking lot across the street with binoculars.

really, though, i have met some pretty amazing women on eharmony. very, very odd women, too, but the strong majority seemed to be of the pretty darn cool sort. some things about the site i should warn you about, though...

1) you'll have to fill out what's known in some circles as a "long ass survey." not recommended for someone with carpal tunnel syndrome, but i enjoyed it. the questions are presented in such a way as to really make you think about who you truly are and who you are truly looking for. best to be completely honest here.

2) your matches will come to you a few at a time. not all at once. this is something i really wish i knew in advance, because, i went to bed kind of depressed that first night. after filling out the never ending survey and getting my romantical hopes up quite a bit, i was matched with seven women, and thought... "five million women on eharmony and i'm only compatible with SEVEN of them?!?!?! ...(sigh)"

3) you will be rejected. a lot. or, at least i was. which really wasn't that big of a deal. much better to get rejected online than it is getting a cold drink splashed on your face at a bar somewhere... i assume. i mean, it's never actually happened to me, and... come to think of it, drinks are pretty expensive-- does that even happen outside of the movies?

anyway, not a big deal, was what i was saying, unless, y'know... you're having a bad day, and the woman you're SURE is The One rejects you within a minute and fifteen seconds. and then it just sucks outloud. er, sometimes. i dunno, really, i think it all depends on what they tell you. eharmony provides a list of reasons for why a particular person has turned you down. here it is...

*I think our family backgrounds are too different.
*I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
*I don't feel that the chemistry is there.
*I don't think our Must Haves and Can't Stands fit.
*I think the physical distance between us is too great.
*I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
*I am pursuing another relationship.
*I'm just not ready for the next step.
*I am taking a break from dating.
*I would rather not say.
*This match never responded to my request to communicate.
*I think the difference in age between us is too great.
*I think the difference in our values is too great.
*Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.
*Because there are no photos posted/I couldn't see any photos.
*Because I was put on Hold.
*Because we are communicating outside of eharmony.

now, you may notice that pretty much every possible way you can politely tell someone, "it's not you, it's me" is found here. very polite, the eharmony people. which is why they don't provide a rejection option that says, "you seem like a really nice guy who i would never EVER consider smooching" or "are you kidding me?! you are soooooooooo not in my league, buster!" or "because you look like you weigh more than my uncle ernie's shrimping boat."

so, instead of writing something nasty, eharmony provides this tender, little, four letter word...


urgh, OTHER! that drove me nuts! every nice, somewhat-comforting option is right there on the menu, so whenever someone gave me an "other" i was always so insulted. "OTHER?! WHAT?! how DARE you!!! what does that even mean, other?! what are they trying to tell me???" bah... ruined my whole day.

actually, "i would rather not say" is pretty awful, too. but i don't think anyone ever told me that. regretably, i said it to someone once, though. but only because that was the closest thing i could come to saying "because her name is hossy." which leads me to...

4) you will have to reject someone. best to be completely dishonest here. at least that's how i came to see it. i mean, really, why perplex someone with an "other"? why leave them wondering, "what could be so bad about me that they'd rather not say?!" i usually just told them "i am pursing another relationship" because that sort of implied that i'd been swept off my feet by some lucky lady who found me first. ("eh. dibs. no harm, no foul.")

seriously, why hurt someone's feelings by continuing the sentence? "i am pursuing another relationship with ANYbody else but you, because you look like clint howard."

that's pretty much it. everything else you can figure out on your own. good luck, and keep me posted, eh? i'd love to hear how it turns out! 'til then, faretheewell, eharmony. and thanks for the memories...

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) got matched up with some more great names somewhat recently on eharmony-- diamondness and precious belle.
2) really, on eharmony, best to be honest. in one part of the getting to know you stage, they provide some questions for you, and-- because i'd like to find someone who'll encourage me to lose weight-- i always chose this one: "during a typical week, what sort of physical activities do you enjoy?"
i tended to cringe when i sent that out, though, because i was afraid someone would get the wrong impression and write back, "well, during a typical week, what sort of physical activities do YOU enjoy, fat-ass?!"
3) hey, speaking of others, only THREE more days, until the season premiere of LOST!!!!!!!
4) clint howard. he just rocks!
5) y'know, i do love to hear stories about people in love-- specifically about how they met. eharmony or not, drop me a line, if you get the chance, and tell me all about it!

song of the night...
"find you" by andy zipf

movie of the night...
"forest gump"

No comments:

Post a Comment