Friday, July 9, 2010

LeBron James' former boss, Dan Gilbert...

In case you haven't seen this, here's the email that Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cavaliers, sent to the city of Cleveland last night, after LeBron James decided he wanted to play for the Miami Heat...


"Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers"


...wow.

Hey, am i the only one who heard the theme music from "Gone with the Wind" playing in his head as he read this???

("Quicken Loans Arena!!! Home!!! ...I'll go home, and I'll think of some way to get him back! After all, tomorrow is another day!")

Erik Kuselias, co-hosting on ESPN Radio's Mike and Mike in the Morning, compared this situation to a messy divorce, saying that Gilbert was throwing LeBron's clothes out onto the lawn for all the neighbors to see.

But it wasn't just the letter. Gilbert went on to claim in a radio interview, that LeBron tanked his final games in a Cavalier uniform.

...REALLY???

I mean, clearly the man has lost his mind. What possible motivation could LeBron have for tanking games? ...I can't even begin to imagine the delusion this man is under.

This is, without a doubt, the most irrational, the most childish display i've seen from a grown man in Ican'tevenrememberwhen. But, wait... there's more...

Gilbert also owns the Fathead company. They're the people who make those huge decals of athletes and movie stars and whatnot. You can stick 'em on a wall and peel them off and put 'em on another wall, that type of thing. i actually thought they were kind of cool, and wanted to buy a Pittsburgh Steelers Fathead helmet once, until i discovered that they all cost a hundred bucks a pop.

That is, all of them except the Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James Fathead.

Sometime after LBJ said goodbye to the Cavs, the price of his Fathead went from $99 to $17.41.

Why $17.41...?

Because 1741 was the birth year of the famous American traitor Benedict Arnold.

...Honest to Pete, i WISH i could make up something this insane, i really do!!!


the five things i fell in love with today...

1) Jordan's game winning shot over Craig Ehlo.

2) The Drive.

3) The Fumble.

4) "The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma." ...WTF???

5) I actually bought a $17.41 LeBron Fathead tonite, in support of James. But then i realized that the cash was going into Gilbert's pockets. "All Sales Are Final" says the website.

...crap.

Maybe i can auction off the little stickers that come with the big honking Fathead (along with some other stuff...? But, probably not the big honking Fathead itself. As i am selfish. And it'd be a pain in the arse to ship anywhere). But, this might not be a bad idea! I could put summin' together, and give the proceeds to my day care center...???

What do y'think?


song of the night...
"Crazy" by Patsy Cline

movie of the night...
"One flew over the cuckoo's nest"

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