i work with a woman who is very smart. and, if she wasn't very smart, none of this would be funny. it's like, if a blind man walks into a wall. not funny. pretty sad, actually. but if a man with 20/20 vision walks into a wall? very funny.
and this woman is hysterical. sometimes intentionally so. but, more times than not... bless her heart, it's like she's walking into a wall. and then she'll get up, and brush herself off, and laugh about walking into a wall. and then... she'll walk into another wall.
figuratively, of course.
probably.
anyway, sometimes smart people say stupid things. and so, to celebrate this fact, we created the hall of fame. a list of things this woman has said that will make the rest of us tilt our heads and say, "......WHAT???"
now, i need to point out that, while she does tend to dominate the hall of fame, there are others on this list. myself included. once-- and i don't remember saying this, but it's right there on the hall of fame so there's no point in trying to deny it-- i said to my coworkers, "my shower water's too wet."
lol, genius.
here are a few more moments to savor. again, not all of these quotes belong to the smart lady. but if it makes you laugh a lot...? yeah, it's probably hers.
enjoy...
"he's going to visit the pyramids in philadelphia that they're shipping in from egypt."
"these apples smell like apples."
"and, yes, i know i'm excuse-ing myself..."
"look at my finger! i papercutted it yesterday."
me: "so i went 8 - 3 in my football picks."
smart lady: "wow! you got 8 out of ten?!"
"okay, kids, now we need to get the cinnamon and the nutmug."
"ryan, could you reach that for me with your incredible length? uh... i mean, uhm... height?"
"504 minus 20 is... 481. no... wait......... 486?"
"we're getting a lot of butternut squash out of this butternut squash."
smart lady: "what's it called? the place they pitch? the pitching dome? the pitching... heap?"
me: "the pitching mound?"
smart: "YES! thank you!"
"is 'good luck' one word or two?"
"ryan, you really need a pedicure, because the fingernails on your feet are gross."
me: "today i am a happy man!"
smart lady: "so am i!"
"so far so not so good."
"wait, didn't albert einstein invent electricity in the 1900's?"
"that's what they do in irishland."
actual song lyric: "the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night."
smart lady's version: "the bright blessed day, the dog says 'good night.' "
"that's the name it?"
"wow! you're a great job that you did!"
"that was a hilarious."
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) the fact that, when she reads this blog, i know that the smart lady is going to laugh even harder than i just did!
2) the edge, jimmy page and jack white-- all featured in a great film i saw yesterday called 'it might get loud'.
3) i don't have to set my alarm!!!
4) tomorrow's a complete mystery. i have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do, and i love days like that. so wide open...
5) not necessarily deeply in love with this, but, to be fair, she was right. the fingernails on my feet are pretty gross.
song of the day...
"what a wonderful world" by louis armstrong
movie of the day...
"dumb and dumber"
Sunday, August 30, 2009
the city that never sleeps. or disappoints me.
so i was visiting some friends in the city this weekend...
now, of course, i grew up in south jersey, and when i used to say, "the city" i was referring to philadelphia. and as much as i still love it there-- rich history, best cheesesteaks in the world, and passionate sports fans who will live and die with their teams no matter how often they cheat-- i'm sure that, for the rest of my life, whenever i use that phrase, i will only think of one city. new york.
i first saw a glimpse of its skyline when i was in college. while i was on the toilet. at the time i thought it was something of an appropriate first impression. "wow! new york city!!! ...(flush)" but it didn't take long for me to fall in love.
it's about 18 years later, but i still feel like a tourist whenever i walk down a new york city street. pretty much any new york city street. most of my friends who live there tell me how much they hate tourists. they always complain about how they clog the sidewalks, and get in their way. but i love 'em. i guess i'd probably feel differently, too, if i lived there, but, i dunno... it's like, i've seen the empire state building a thousand times, but i still get a kick out of it. and i think maybe a reason behind that is how frequently i see the wonder and joy in the face of some geeky middle-aged dude in dark socks and sandals who's seeing it for the first time. makes me feel lucky to live so close by.
when i stepped off the train saturday morning at grand central station, the first thing i saw was a guy in a t-shirt that said, "people = shit". but i've always found the people in ny to be really great. i get lost all the time when i'm there, but i've learned not to worry about it. there's always somebody around to give you directions, and very, very few of these folks will take your wallet in the process of doing so.
anyway, i had a great time. saw a six dollar matinee on 42nd street. found a cool little cafe in hell's kitchen, and spent a lot of time just wandering around in what is probably the best idea in the history of any city-- central park. it's so beautiful, everywhere you look. you'll be walking and you'll think to yourself, "wow, that's gotta be the best view in new york." and then four minutes later, you'll turn around and think, "wait... nope. THAT'S gotta be the best view in new york."
we took our time on our way to the train this morning. passed the museum of natural history and back to central park. through strawberry fields, with the dakota to our right. winding down green little meandering paths, and passed the plaza and fao schwartz. when we stumbled upon a movie shoot just outside of tiffany's, you could tell straight away who the local was and who wasn't. my friend just walked on by. and i gawked at the actress who looked exactly like holly golightly.
then, back at grand central, i walked passed a tour guide who was eagerly taking questions from a big and enthusiastic crowd. that brought such a huge smile to my face-- the thought that people are paying money to tour a building that's 25 minutes away from me. i couldn't even tell you how often i've been inside grand central station.
but i get a kick out of it every time.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) how close i am to the big apple.
2) the free stuff they were giving away in the park yesterday-- a bunch of food, mostly. and we were about fifteen seconds away from a free bike helmet. alas.
3) the thought that the crazy dude we saw on fifth avenue, who was talking to himself and scratching his chest repeatedly, might have been a misunderstood genius.
4) the thought that the loin-clothed feller we saw saturday afternoon-- with his native american head dress, and operatic soprano, and cds for sale, and barely dressed assistant, and greco-roman boots with the jingly bells on them-- might also be a wall street broker, monday through friday. which may explain the economy.
5) audrey hepburn.
song of the day...
"new york, new york" by ryan adams
movie of the day...
"breakfast at tiffany's"
now, of course, i grew up in south jersey, and when i used to say, "the city" i was referring to philadelphia. and as much as i still love it there-- rich history, best cheesesteaks in the world, and passionate sports fans who will live and die with their teams no matter how often they cheat-- i'm sure that, for the rest of my life, whenever i use that phrase, i will only think of one city. new york.
i first saw a glimpse of its skyline when i was in college. while i was on the toilet. at the time i thought it was something of an appropriate first impression. "wow! new york city!!! ...(flush)" but it didn't take long for me to fall in love.
it's about 18 years later, but i still feel like a tourist whenever i walk down a new york city street. pretty much any new york city street. most of my friends who live there tell me how much they hate tourists. they always complain about how they clog the sidewalks, and get in their way. but i love 'em. i guess i'd probably feel differently, too, if i lived there, but, i dunno... it's like, i've seen the empire state building a thousand times, but i still get a kick out of it. and i think maybe a reason behind that is how frequently i see the wonder and joy in the face of some geeky middle-aged dude in dark socks and sandals who's seeing it for the first time. makes me feel lucky to live so close by.
when i stepped off the train saturday morning at grand central station, the first thing i saw was a guy in a t-shirt that said, "people = shit". but i've always found the people in ny to be really great. i get lost all the time when i'm there, but i've learned not to worry about it. there's always somebody around to give you directions, and very, very few of these folks will take your wallet in the process of doing so.
anyway, i had a great time. saw a six dollar matinee on 42nd street. found a cool little cafe in hell's kitchen, and spent a lot of time just wandering around in what is probably the best idea in the history of any city-- central park. it's so beautiful, everywhere you look. you'll be walking and you'll think to yourself, "wow, that's gotta be the best view in new york." and then four minutes later, you'll turn around and think, "wait... nope. THAT'S gotta be the best view in new york."
we took our time on our way to the train this morning. passed the museum of natural history and back to central park. through strawberry fields, with the dakota to our right. winding down green little meandering paths, and passed the plaza and fao schwartz. when we stumbled upon a movie shoot just outside of tiffany's, you could tell straight away who the local was and who wasn't. my friend just walked on by. and i gawked at the actress who looked exactly like holly golightly.
then, back at grand central, i walked passed a tour guide who was eagerly taking questions from a big and enthusiastic crowd. that brought such a huge smile to my face-- the thought that people are paying money to tour a building that's 25 minutes away from me. i couldn't even tell you how often i've been inside grand central station.
but i get a kick out of it every time.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) how close i am to the big apple.
2) the free stuff they were giving away in the park yesterday-- a bunch of food, mostly. and we were about fifteen seconds away from a free bike helmet. alas.
3) the thought that the crazy dude we saw on fifth avenue, who was talking to himself and scratching his chest repeatedly, might have been a misunderstood genius.
4) the thought that the loin-clothed feller we saw saturday afternoon-- with his native american head dress, and operatic soprano, and cds for sale, and barely dressed assistant, and greco-roman boots with the jingly bells on them-- might also be a wall street broker, monday through friday. which may explain the economy.
5) audrey hepburn.
song of the day...
"new york, new york" by ryan adams
movie of the day...
"breakfast at tiffany's"
Friday, August 28, 2009
blog. ryan's blog.
and so... i missed last night's blog. hope you did, too.
i was a bit overwhelmed by a recent lack of sleep, and went to bed around 8:30. probably before your grandfather. the night before, i swore i heard my alarm clock go off. i have this great little cd player/alarm clock. when i bought it about six years ago, i thought it was the greatest thing ever. and i still love it.
for the past few months i've been waking up to the cole porter songbook. "i've got you under my skin" by dinah washington. as it's a live recording, i wake up to applause every morning. as if somewhere there's a crowd cheering me on-- "ryan! w'hooooo! it's thursday! isn't that great???"
actually, it really gets on my nerves. i need to switch songs. but yesterday morning i got up and said (out loud), "man... that's weird, i can barely hear it..." and i opened my eyes... squinted... tilted my head, and listened closer, and after more moments than you'd think it would take, i realized i didn't hear it at all. because it wasn't on. because it was 2:56 a.m.
urgh.
i couldn't get back to sleep after that.
this morning, though, i had the rare privilege of being able to turn off my alarm... for ten days! A TEN DAY WEEKEND!!! the day care is closed and i have no more work for the next ten days!!! and i got big plans!!! ho-lee-cow, do i have big plans! plans so big that i don't even know if i want to share them. or maybe i can't share them! maybe they're secret plans. maybe they're secret plans from the government. maybe i'm a spy. maybe i'm a british spy. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent and an astin martin. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent and an astin martin and i like my martinis shaken, not stirred, or maybe i don't have anything to do for the next ten days, but watch movies all day.
hmmm, it is a mystery, alright. but i'll keep you posted.
if and when i can.
the five things i fell in love with yesterday...
1) the dude i saw in barnes & noble's this week (speaking of your grandfather) with the striped polo shirt, checkered shorts and argyle socks. man, he was rockin' that outfit! i got this really cool, blurry picture of him, too, but i'm still not sure how to take pics from my phone and put them into... or onto my computer. so you'll have to take my word for it.
2) seeing my big toddlers graduate to preschool and not look back.
3) seeing my big toddlers graduate to preschool and look back more than twice.
4) remembering at the last minute as you're running out the door that you forgot to put on deodorant. whew! close call!
5) being able to go to bed early.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) i'm going to the movies tomorrow on the first of my many days off! ...did i mention that i have a ten day weekend?
2) a big honking truck sideswiped a sizable tree branch, knocking it to the ground about a foot in front of my coconut this afternoon, as i was walking to the train! crazy!
3) daily bread.
4) that no matter how foul my mouth can sometimes be, i know it's nothing compared to that woodchuck i've told you about before. i saw him earlier in the week and-- i was shocked-- he stopped me and said, "yo. martin. i read yer blog. what are you, an effin moron?! 'swamp rat'??? 'SWAMP rat'?!?!?! go buy yerself an encyclopedia, you effin' dumbass! i'm a mother-effin' woodchuck!!!" ...except he didn't say "effin.'"
5) sean connery.
song of the day...
"another way to die" by alicia keys and jack white
movie of the day...
"dr. no"
i was a bit overwhelmed by a recent lack of sleep, and went to bed around 8:30. probably before your grandfather. the night before, i swore i heard my alarm clock go off. i have this great little cd player/alarm clock. when i bought it about six years ago, i thought it was the greatest thing ever. and i still love it.
for the past few months i've been waking up to the cole porter songbook. "i've got you under my skin" by dinah washington. as it's a live recording, i wake up to applause every morning. as if somewhere there's a crowd cheering me on-- "ryan! w'hooooo! it's thursday! isn't that great???"
actually, it really gets on my nerves. i need to switch songs. but yesterday morning i got up and said (out loud), "man... that's weird, i can barely hear it..." and i opened my eyes... squinted... tilted my head, and listened closer, and after more moments than you'd think it would take, i realized i didn't hear it at all. because it wasn't on. because it was 2:56 a.m.
urgh.
i couldn't get back to sleep after that.
this morning, though, i had the rare privilege of being able to turn off my alarm... for ten days! A TEN DAY WEEKEND!!! the day care is closed and i have no more work for the next ten days!!! and i got big plans!!! ho-lee-cow, do i have big plans! plans so big that i don't even know if i want to share them. or maybe i can't share them! maybe they're secret plans. maybe they're secret plans from the government. maybe i'm a spy. maybe i'm a british spy. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent and an astin martin. maybe i'm a british spy with a scottish accent and an astin martin and i like my martinis shaken, not stirred, or maybe i don't have anything to do for the next ten days, but watch movies all day.
hmmm, it is a mystery, alright. but i'll keep you posted.
if and when i can.
the five things i fell in love with yesterday...
1) the dude i saw in barnes & noble's this week (speaking of your grandfather) with the striped polo shirt, checkered shorts and argyle socks. man, he was rockin' that outfit! i got this really cool, blurry picture of him, too, but i'm still not sure how to take pics from my phone and put them into... or onto my computer. so you'll have to take my word for it.
2) seeing my big toddlers graduate to preschool and not look back.
3) seeing my big toddlers graduate to preschool and look back more than twice.
4) remembering at the last minute as you're running out the door that you forgot to put on deodorant. whew! close call!
5) being able to go to bed early.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) i'm going to the movies tomorrow on the first of my many days off! ...did i mention that i have a ten day weekend?
2) a big honking truck sideswiped a sizable tree branch, knocking it to the ground about a foot in front of my coconut this afternoon, as i was walking to the train! crazy!
3) daily bread.
4) that no matter how foul my mouth can sometimes be, i know it's nothing compared to that woodchuck i've told you about before. i saw him earlier in the week and-- i was shocked-- he stopped me and said, "yo. martin. i read yer blog. what are you, an effin moron?! 'swamp rat'??? 'SWAMP rat'?!?!?! go buy yerself an encyclopedia, you effin' dumbass! i'm a mother-effin' woodchuck!!!" ...except he didn't say "effin.'"
5) sean connery.
song of the day...
"another way to die" by alicia keys and jack white
movie of the day...
"dr. no"
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
the exact opposite of a super sized blog.
freakin' mcdonalds.
in addition to being so delicious and tempting, why do you have to be so damn close to my apartment???
....................sorry, that's all i got tonite, folks. way too full.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) sweet golden-brown french fries from heaven.
2) i'm getting pretty good at the subtle art of picking my boxer short wedge in public. even when i'm walking, no one around me has any idea what it is i'm really doing. or, at least i think they don't know. or, y'know, i don't really care, whichever.
3) i didn't win the lottery AGAIN! but, the jackpot is now at a ridiculous $325 million!
4) i found a dollar on the sidewalk on my way to the train station this afternoon! w'hooooooooooo!!!
5) morgan spurlock.
song of the day...
"came down" by al fatz
movie of the day...
"super size me"
in addition to being so delicious and tempting, why do you have to be so damn close to my apartment???
....................sorry, that's all i got tonite, folks. way too full.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) sweet golden-brown french fries from heaven.
2) i'm getting pretty good at the subtle art of picking my boxer short wedge in public. even when i'm walking, no one around me has any idea what it is i'm really doing. or, at least i think they don't know. or, y'know, i don't really care, whichever.
3) i didn't win the lottery AGAIN! but, the jackpot is now at a ridiculous $325 million!
4) i found a dollar on the sidewalk on my way to the train station this afternoon! w'hooooooooooo!!!
5) morgan spurlock.
song of the day...
"came down" by al fatz
movie of the day...
"super size me"
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
a really nice shirt. a really, really nice shirt. and a visit from the fork lady...
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) that i am no longer 15-years-old.
i went to target today and saw a teenager roll his eyes at his parents, as his dad was taking out of his hands-- & putting back on the shelves-- something like a $17 striped shirt. i didn't think much of it, until i heard this kid a few minutes later throwing his shopping cart all over the aisle, and screaming like a six year old, "YOU GUYS ARE UNBELIEVABLE!!! THAT WAS A REALLY NICE SHIRT!!! I WANTED IT!!!"
2) that i know the difference between a really nice shirt... and a shirt from target.
don't get me wrong, i still love target. but, dude... i don't know if i've ever owned an article of clothing i've had a temper tantrum over. but if i did... i wouldn't have bought it at target. i dunno, maybe the winning lottery ticket was tucked away inside one of its pockets? that would explain things, i guess...?
3) that i know the value of free stuff.
i once had a great shirt that was given to me by a coworker by the name of patti visconti (her real name). over the years, she gave me a ton of stuff that she originally bought for her son joe, which he refused to wear (he was a teenager). this one shirt was... actually i don't remember much about it at all, except that it was so nice that i got about a dozen compliments on it at a new year's eve party. i kept telling people, "well, y'know... it IS a joseph visconti." and i swear this is true-- every single time i said that, someone would caress the fabric and say, "oooooooh!"
good times.
4) that i know one shouldn't throw a hissy fit over a fork.
there's a woman who works in the kitchen... and God bless her, i know she has a tough job; i wouldn't want to do it. and Lord knows everyone has a bad day every now and again... but you could just tell that she had been sitting on this moment for awhile...
basically, it's like this... there are forks that need to be returned to the kitchen and there are forks that need to stay in the staff lounge. and even though the staff lounge forks are easily identifiable (they're red), dammital if yesterday this one little bugger didn't manage to find its blankity-blankin' way from the staff lounge, into our classroom, and finally into the kitchen.
oops. our bad.
but, no big deal...? right...?
right.
except, of course, this woman in the kitchen-- i'll call her the fork lady (not her real name)-- was just about ready to pounce. and, honestly, to an extent, i can understand this. i'm sure that when she bought a bunch of these shiny happy red utencils, she was thinking, "oh holyfreak, just WAIT until one of these flippin' things winds up in my kitchen, then i am going to tear that little (beeeeeeeeeep) and then i'll (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)..."
...it's actually kind of embarrassing how much i can understand and relate to that, now that i re-read that last paragraph, but... yeah...
5) that i know that having empathy for someone's frustrations doesn't necessarily mean i have to excuse their irrational and rude behavior.
the fork lady pounced, alright. to be truthful, it did sound like she had most of her speech planned out for a few days. including the classic line, "well, the fork didn't just walk into the room by itself."
it was right around that point when i put a halt to it. y'know, forgetting for a moment that at 36 years old i don't appreciate being talked to like a spoiled teenager-- all this happened at our busiest time of the day, in the middle of our classroom, with 9 kids running around like the crazy people that they are. so, i'm sorry, but i don't have the time to sit and listen to a twelve minute lecture about a magical fork.
so, i cut her off. i didn't want to be rude myself, but, hey, i told her the truth-- "look, you made your point. i got it. but right now, i have other priorities." and to me, that was the end of it.
but, she was pissed. and, by the look she gave me this morning, i can imagine that she's still pissed. and, y'know, as a Christian, there's a part of me that wants to be able to tell you that, well-- that i give a rat's ass. but i don't. i really, truly don't.
see, there's a sign on the front door of the kitchen that reads, "treat this space as if it were an office." and i'm glad it's there-- i think too many people got into the habit of marching into that room with their demands and complaints. so, again, i get it. day after day of that sort of thankless job? i can see how it could esily lead someone to become, and remain, focused on the negative. even anticipating, on a daily basis, how they're going to react to the next nagative thing that is certainly lurking around the corner.
but, in my classroom? oh, hells no. that's MY office, fork lady. and those are MY kids. and there's not enough bullshit in the world that's going to distract me from keeping my kids safe.
song of the day...
"round the bend" by the beta band
movie of the day...
"high fidelity"
1) that i am no longer 15-years-old.
i went to target today and saw a teenager roll his eyes at his parents, as his dad was taking out of his hands-- & putting back on the shelves-- something like a $17 striped shirt. i didn't think much of it, until i heard this kid a few minutes later throwing his shopping cart all over the aisle, and screaming like a six year old, "YOU GUYS ARE UNBELIEVABLE!!! THAT WAS A REALLY NICE SHIRT!!! I WANTED IT!!!"
2) that i know the difference between a really nice shirt... and a shirt from target.
don't get me wrong, i still love target. but, dude... i don't know if i've ever owned an article of clothing i've had a temper tantrum over. but if i did... i wouldn't have bought it at target. i dunno, maybe the winning lottery ticket was tucked away inside one of its pockets? that would explain things, i guess...?
3) that i know the value of free stuff.
i once had a great shirt that was given to me by a coworker by the name of patti visconti (her real name). over the years, she gave me a ton of stuff that she originally bought for her son joe, which he refused to wear (he was a teenager). this one shirt was... actually i don't remember much about it at all, except that it was so nice that i got about a dozen compliments on it at a new year's eve party. i kept telling people, "well, y'know... it IS a joseph visconti." and i swear this is true-- every single time i said that, someone would caress the fabric and say, "oooooooh!"
good times.
4) that i know one shouldn't throw a hissy fit over a fork.
there's a woman who works in the kitchen... and God bless her, i know she has a tough job; i wouldn't want to do it. and Lord knows everyone has a bad day every now and again... but you could just tell that she had been sitting on this moment for awhile...
basically, it's like this... there are forks that need to be returned to the kitchen and there are forks that need to stay in the staff lounge. and even though the staff lounge forks are easily identifiable (they're red), dammital if yesterday this one little bugger didn't manage to find its blankity-blankin' way from the staff lounge, into our classroom, and finally into the kitchen.
oops. our bad.
but, no big deal...? right...?
right.
except, of course, this woman in the kitchen-- i'll call her the fork lady (not her real name)-- was just about ready to pounce. and, honestly, to an extent, i can understand this. i'm sure that when she bought a bunch of these shiny happy red utencils, she was thinking, "oh holyfreak, just WAIT until one of these flippin' things winds up in my kitchen, then i am going to tear that little (beeeeeeeeeep) and then i'll (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)..."
...it's actually kind of embarrassing how much i can understand and relate to that, now that i re-read that last paragraph, but... yeah...
5) that i know that having empathy for someone's frustrations doesn't necessarily mean i have to excuse their irrational and rude behavior.
the fork lady pounced, alright. to be truthful, it did sound like she had most of her speech planned out for a few days. including the classic line, "well, the fork didn't just walk into the room by itself."
it was right around that point when i put a halt to it. y'know, forgetting for a moment that at 36 years old i don't appreciate being talked to like a spoiled teenager-- all this happened at our busiest time of the day, in the middle of our classroom, with 9 kids running around like the crazy people that they are. so, i'm sorry, but i don't have the time to sit and listen to a twelve minute lecture about a magical fork.
so, i cut her off. i didn't want to be rude myself, but, hey, i told her the truth-- "look, you made your point. i got it. but right now, i have other priorities." and to me, that was the end of it.
but, she was pissed. and, by the look she gave me this morning, i can imagine that she's still pissed. and, y'know, as a Christian, there's a part of me that wants to be able to tell you that, well-- that i give a rat's ass. but i don't. i really, truly don't.
see, there's a sign on the front door of the kitchen that reads, "treat this space as if it were an office." and i'm glad it's there-- i think too many people got into the habit of marching into that room with their demands and complaints. so, again, i get it. day after day of that sort of thankless job? i can see how it could esily lead someone to become, and remain, focused on the negative. even anticipating, on a daily basis, how they're going to react to the next nagative thing that is certainly lurking around the corner.
but, in my classroom? oh, hells no. that's MY office, fork lady. and those are MY kids. and there's not enough bullshit in the world that's going to distract me from keeping my kids safe.
song of the day...
"round the bend" by the beta band
movie of the day...
"high fidelity"
Monday, August 24, 2009
pete rose...
i've been blessed to have seen some pretty amazing things on the baseball field. my dad and i saw juan samuel hit a game winning grand slam. i went with a group from my church to a game and saw a triple play. and-- only because we had nothing else to do on a random summer night-- my friends wendy, jeremy and i got to see terry mulholland's no hitter. i'm not sure anything can beat that.
but, coming somewhere close is seeing pete rose stretch a lazy double into a triple with his trademark head first dive. the crowd went ballistic. i couldn't have been more than ten years old, but i remember specifically thinking, "i am never going to forget this." of course i don't know, but i'm pretty sure that's a bit of an odd thing for a ten year old to have thought, but... i was a pretty odd ten year old. more than that, though, pete rose was an exceptional baseball player.
i absolutely loved him. my sister and i were such huge fans. we flipped out when he caught a pop up in foul territory-- with his bare hand-- that bob boone let jump out of his glove in the ninth inning of the final world series game in 1980.
we always wanted to eat at a restaurant back in south jersey called the ponderosa, because in it there was a plaque on one of the booths that read, "pete rose sat here." and, believe me, we were pissed whenever we walked in and saw some other family sitting there! honestly, we would wait them out, and move our seats to that booth whenever they left!
pete rose ran to first base every time he got a walk-- and that meant something to my sister and i. "charlie hustle" wasn't just his nickname to us, it was an extraordinary example of how to live life: do better than what's expected of you. anybody can do their best. go beyond that. exceed even your own expectations. and live every moment-- even the most routine of moments-- with passion.
today marks the 20th anniversary of the day pete rose was banned for life from baseball for betting on the game. he denied it so frequently that i believed him for years and years.
i wanted to believe him.
the evidence against him eventually became public, though, and was so overwhelming that it instantly became impossible to believe anything but this: pete rose lied. to his friends, his family, to his teammates, his detractors. to me. he finally came clean a few years ago. in an exclusive interview, and on a book tour. signing autographs to help pay the bills.
for twenty years, i've heard every possible argument about pete rose and his lifetime ban. i've heard every possible angle to the question, "does pete rose belong in the hall of fame?" and, y'know... i still don't know what to think.
how many memories does anyone have from their childhood that were at once so crystal clear, and undeniably pure and beautiful? and how often are those same things tainted years later with a harsh and bitter truth that was lying underneath the surface the entire time?
i know it's only baseball, but to me, it's very much like the few and faint memories i have of the happier times between my parents before they split up. singing in the car, laughing at a joke... i don't have that many of those memories-- not just because there weren't enough of them, but because, while they were there, i didn't think enough of them. i didn't think to capture them in my mind. these were just routine things, and nothing at all as dramatic as pete rose diving into third.
is pete rose a hall of famer? i don't know. my opinion on this changes all the time. but, really, he's just a man, as flawed as the rest of us. he's as perfect as anyone could ever hope to be. and he's just as tragic as anyone could fear. pete rose was my hero. and pete rose broke my heart.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) bringing your glove to the ballpark.
2) the 1986 new york mets.
3) the camden riversharks.
4) the crack of a wooden bat belting out a line drive.
5) playing catch with my dad.
song of the day...
"centerfield" by john fogerty
movie of the day...
"field of dreams"
but, coming somewhere close is seeing pete rose stretch a lazy double into a triple with his trademark head first dive. the crowd went ballistic. i couldn't have been more than ten years old, but i remember specifically thinking, "i am never going to forget this." of course i don't know, but i'm pretty sure that's a bit of an odd thing for a ten year old to have thought, but... i was a pretty odd ten year old. more than that, though, pete rose was an exceptional baseball player.
i absolutely loved him. my sister and i were such huge fans. we flipped out when he caught a pop up in foul territory-- with his bare hand-- that bob boone let jump out of his glove in the ninth inning of the final world series game in 1980.
we always wanted to eat at a restaurant back in south jersey called the ponderosa, because in it there was a plaque on one of the booths that read, "pete rose sat here." and, believe me, we were pissed whenever we walked in and saw some other family sitting there! honestly, we would wait them out, and move our seats to that booth whenever they left!
pete rose ran to first base every time he got a walk-- and that meant something to my sister and i. "charlie hustle" wasn't just his nickname to us, it was an extraordinary example of how to live life: do better than what's expected of you. anybody can do their best. go beyond that. exceed even your own expectations. and live every moment-- even the most routine of moments-- with passion.
today marks the 20th anniversary of the day pete rose was banned for life from baseball for betting on the game. he denied it so frequently that i believed him for years and years.
i wanted to believe him.
the evidence against him eventually became public, though, and was so overwhelming that it instantly became impossible to believe anything but this: pete rose lied. to his friends, his family, to his teammates, his detractors. to me. he finally came clean a few years ago. in an exclusive interview, and on a book tour. signing autographs to help pay the bills.
for twenty years, i've heard every possible argument about pete rose and his lifetime ban. i've heard every possible angle to the question, "does pete rose belong in the hall of fame?" and, y'know... i still don't know what to think.
how many memories does anyone have from their childhood that were at once so crystal clear, and undeniably pure and beautiful? and how often are those same things tainted years later with a harsh and bitter truth that was lying underneath the surface the entire time?
i know it's only baseball, but to me, it's very much like the few and faint memories i have of the happier times between my parents before they split up. singing in the car, laughing at a joke... i don't have that many of those memories-- not just because there weren't enough of them, but because, while they were there, i didn't think enough of them. i didn't think to capture them in my mind. these were just routine things, and nothing at all as dramatic as pete rose diving into third.
is pete rose a hall of famer? i don't know. my opinion on this changes all the time. but, really, he's just a man, as flawed as the rest of us. he's as perfect as anyone could ever hope to be. and he's just as tragic as anyone could fear. pete rose was my hero. and pete rose broke my heart.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) bringing your glove to the ballpark.
2) the 1986 new york mets.
3) the camden riversharks.
4) the crack of a wooden bat belting out a line drive.
5) playing catch with my dad.
song of the day...
"centerfield" by john fogerty
movie of the day...
"field of dreams"
Sunday, August 23, 2009
ryan?! could you please stop your (f-word) swearing?!
seeing as i walked in the door this afternoon JUST in time to see my beloved mets of new york go down to the wretched phillies of philadelphia-- and this in the bottom of the ninth, on one of only 14 unassisted triple plays in the history of major league baseball-- i thought it would be a good time to tackle a subject i've been meaning to discuss for a week or two... swearing.
it's a bit of a contradiction, i s'pose. i mean... i'm a Christian. and i take that very seriously. but occasionally i'll say and write some words that i didn't exactly learn in sunday school. you may have noticed. i'm not proud of that, really-- but that has less to do with my faith than it does with the thought that, more than likely, swearing makes me sound stupid.
although...
when i was a lot younger, i was hanging out with some homies of mine and i matter of factly told them about something that had "pissed me off." when a friend stopped me mid-story and asked if i could rephrase what i had just said, i really didn't know what he was talking about. "that phrase," he said, "it's offensive." what phrase? "you know what phrase." i... dont know what phrase. "yes you do." no. i really have no idea what phrase.
really. i had no idea what phrase. i'd been saying that for years. in front of everybody. teachers, my mom, my pastor, nuns who happened to be within earshot. i never thought twice about it until it was called offensive, and i was really upset. it made me worry about all the people i may have offended over the years without even realizing it.
so i called a missionary friend of mine to talk it over. told her the whole story, and i asked her what she thought i should do about it. and was she ever offended by anything i said? and/or did she know who i may have offended along the way, and could she possibly give me their phone numbers so i could apologize or, y'know, treat them to a cherry flavored water ice at rita's? honestly, i was devastated with the possibility that i may have insulted the hearts of so many people i loved, and i was close to tears when i asked my dear friend, "what do you think?"
i'll never forget it. she sighed and said, "oh, shit, ryan, i dunno."
lol, huge weight off my conscious! after that conversation i pretty much realized about swearing that it all depends on where your ears have been. what's offensive to some means nothing to others. and, while i don't go out of my way to drop 15 ton f-bombs all over white plains... it's safe to say that i don't offend easy.
still, in order to not step on too many toes, i developed a theory years ago that i'm going to try to come back to from time to time in this-here blog. swearing: it doesn't count if you do it in a foreign accent. let's test it out, shall we? please feel free to let me know if you're more or less offended...
"can ewe believe this shite?"
"aye! ehts a pain in the arse!"
"ets a moother fooker!"
"aye! sun of a bee-yoch."
oh, i forgot to mention that i usually go with either an irish accent or some sort of late 1990s ghetto rap theme, and that sometimes i mix it up between the two.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) rita's italian water ice!!! it's been way too long since i've been!
2) rachel mcadams. i saw 'the time travelers wife' today. not a bad flick. not a fantastic flick, but no matter what i've ever seen her in, i think rachel mcadams has always been amazing. can't take your eyes off her.
3) we are no longer in single digits, my friends!!! today 'the 5 things' blog has welcomed its tenth follower!!! w'hooooooooo!
4) lexulous, on facebook.
5) four-letter word-spoutin' missionaries! God bless 'em!
song of the day...
"potty mouth" by danielson
movie of the day...
"wedding crashers"
it's a bit of a contradiction, i s'pose. i mean... i'm a Christian. and i take that very seriously. but occasionally i'll say and write some words that i didn't exactly learn in sunday school. you may have noticed. i'm not proud of that, really-- but that has less to do with my faith than it does with the thought that, more than likely, swearing makes me sound stupid.
although...
when i was a lot younger, i was hanging out with some homies of mine and i matter of factly told them about something that had "pissed me off." when a friend stopped me mid-story and asked if i could rephrase what i had just said, i really didn't know what he was talking about. "that phrase," he said, "it's offensive." what phrase? "you know what phrase." i... dont know what phrase. "yes you do." no. i really have no idea what phrase.
really. i had no idea what phrase. i'd been saying that for years. in front of everybody. teachers, my mom, my pastor, nuns who happened to be within earshot. i never thought twice about it until it was called offensive, and i was really upset. it made me worry about all the people i may have offended over the years without even realizing it.
so i called a missionary friend of mine to talk it over. told her the whole story, and i asked her what she thought i should do about it. and was she ever offended by anything i said? and/or did she know who i may have offended along the way, and could she possibly give me their phone numbers so i could apologize or, y'know, treat them to a cherry flavored water ice at rita's? honestly, i was devastated with the possibility that i may have insulted the hearts of so many people i loved, and i was close to tears when i asked my dear friend, "what do you think?"
i'll never forget it. she sighed and said, "oh, shit, ryan, i dunno."
lol, huge weight off my conscious! after that conversation i pretty much realized about swearing that it all depends on where your ears have been. what's offensive to some means nothing to others. and, while i don't go out of my way to drop 15 ton f-bombs all over white plains... it's safe to say that i don't offend easy.
still, in order to not step on too many toes, i developed a theory years ago that i'm going to try to come back to from time to time in this-here blog. swearing: it doesn't count if you do it in a foreign accent. let's test it out, shall we? please feel free to let me know if you're more or less offended...
"can ewe believe this shite?"
"aye! ehts a pain in the arse!"
"ets a moother fooker!"
"aye! sun of a bee-yoch."
oh, i forgot to mention that i usually go with either an irish accent or some sort of late 1990s ghetto rap theme, and that sometimes i mix it up between the two.
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) rita's italian water ice!!! it's been way too long since i've been!
2) rachel mcadams. i saw 'the time travelers wife' today. not a bad flick. not a fantastic flick, but no matter what i've ever seen her in, i think rachel mcadams has always been amazing. can't take your eyes off her.
3) we are no longer in single digits, my friends!!! today 'the 5 things' blog has welcomed its tenth follower!!! w'hooooooooo!
4) lexulous, on facebook.
5) four-letter word-spoutin' missionaries! God bless 'em!
song of the day...
"potty mouth" by danielson
movie of the day...
"wedding crashers"
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