Years ago i was at a diner, finding it difficult to enjoy my meal, because-- well, number one, because i was at a diner. You don't so much "enjoy" a meal at a diner on the East Coast as much as you "experience" it.
But, also because the couple in the next booth was arguing loudly. Very annoying... And perhaps even more annoying than their volume was the fact that they were arguing in French, which made it virtually impossible for me to know who i was rooting for.
And, that's kind of how i feel about the recent bidding war between news corp. and cablevision. I'm pissed that i wasn't able to watch anything on fox for two weeks, and part of the problem is... i still don't know who to be angry with. I've seen hundreds of ads over the past two weeks, each side blaming the other-- "News Corp. doesn't want you to watch The World Series!!!" "Cablevision doesn't want you to watch Glee!!!"
I felt like shouting, "I DON'T CARE WHO'S RIGHT, OR WHO'S WRONG!!! JUST LET ME EAT MY CHEESE-INFESTED DINER FOOD IN PEACE, WILL YOU PLEASE???"
But, who was there for me to shout to? Was anybody listening?
This is the third time this has happened since i've had cablevision. The Food Network, and HGTV pulled the plug awhile ago. ABC was gone for a good portion of the Academy Awards. And now Fox and My9 were static for two weeks! TWO WEEKS!!!
So my first inclination was to call up cablevision and yell at them. Which i did. But i spoke with a woman who was very passionate in her response. Saying it truly was the fault of news corp (owners of fox). THEY were the ones who decided to black out their programming, THEY were the ones who were holding their customers hostage, THEY were the ones who were asking for an arm and a leg at the negotiating tables.
And i thought, "Well, shoot, i dunno... maybe she's right." Or, of course, maybe that's just what she's told to say. Still... she was very convincing. Rather, she seemed to be genuinely convinced. Which... obviously, doesn't mean she was right.
At the end of the day, here's the thing... if i enter into an agreement with someone, i expect them to stay true to their side of the deal. An example...
ME: "I will give you this money and, in exchange, i would like to be able to walk out of this grocery store with a half a gallon of milk, this block of cheese, and these tasty Cool Ranch Doritos."
CLERK: "Very well, sir. I accept these terms. And i wish you the best of luck with those Doritos."
ME: "Thank you, sir."
Now... i entered into a deal with cablevision, and i pay my (ridiculously large) bills on time. Is it too much to ask to be able to put my feet up on a Sunday afternoon and watch as much football as i possibly can?
Look, it's not the end of the world, i understand that. It's only television. There are some, in fact, who will read this and say, "Well, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Maybe, if you're really this upset about it, then maybe you should wonder if you're watching too much tv?"
But, maybe i'd like to make such a decision on my own, thank you. And maybe i don't want that decision to be made for me. And maybe you should shut up.
But, anyway, here's something else i know i don't want: A half-hearted apology. Like the one i got in my email box yesterday...
"Cablevision is pleased to announce that we have come to a resolution with News Corp. Starting immediately, you can now enjoy your Fox 5 programming. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Thank you for your patience, patronage and continued support."
Very nice. But, how about this instead...
"The kajillionaires at Cablevision are pleased to announce that we have come to a resolution with the kajillionaires at News Corp. Starting immediately-- a full three days AFTER the first pitch of the World Series-- you can now enjoy your Fox 5 programming. We apologize, because we know how shitty it's been of us to put our customers in the middle of this dispute. As a matter of fact, we can not BELIEVE that you're still a Cablevision customer!!! SO, to reward you for your patience, patronage and continued support, we fully realize that you deserve a FREE DVR!!! And yet, we will give you absolutely nothing. Oh, and, by the way, you don't want to know when the contracts are going to be up for NBC, CBS and ESPN, so don't ask us."
All this to say, i have no regrets about dropping the f-bomb last night on facebook and twitter. For those of you who missed it...
"I want to thank all the good ppl at fox & cablevision. I think it's great that we've only been blacked out for 2 wks. Oh & also... fuck you."
the five things i fell in love with today...
1) Swearing. I mean, look... could i have been more of a gentleman? Absolutely. Was it completely necessary to swear? No. Not at all. Am i going to apologize for it? No. Because, as mentioned above, i hate half-hearted apologies.
2) I actually really love diner food. So much so that i rarely put two and two together the next morning:
"Whoah!!! ...Why am i so nauseous???"
"Whoah!!! ...What's up with all this botulism???"
"Whoah!!! ...Where's my pancreas???"
3) Props to friend Em for reaching out and befriending my delusional sister.
4) My sister. Delusional in that she has recently claimed to be more awesome than me. Poor thing.
5) Putting my feet up this afternoon and watching as much football as i possibly can.
Movie of the day... "Back to the Future". Just such a perfect flick, y'know??? I recently saw it on the big screen again in NYC. Just a great time.
Song of the day... "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News. Yes... i listened to Huey Lewis all the way to the theater.