Saturday, December 11, 2010

Westboro Baptist EXCLUSIVE!!!

Here's a letter, stolen from the desk of Fred Phelps, the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church...

"The top 20 funerals I wish I could have picketed...

1) Eliot Ness... gay.
2) Frank Sinatra... gay.
3) Mickey Mantle... gay.
4) The 1928 Chicago Bears... gay.
5) Old Yeller... gay.
6) Walt Disney... Straight, but never made an honest mouse out of Minnie.
7) John the Baptist... gay.
8) The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man... gay.
9) Seabiscuit... gay.
10) John Wayne... flamboyantly gay.
11) Liberace... Back in '75, he didn't stop for me when I asked him for his autograph.
12) Adolph Hitler... gay.
13) The shark from Jaws... gay.
14) St. Francis of Assisi... gay.
15) Adrian Balboa... lesbian.
16) That toaster oven I used to have in college... Never quite cooked my muffins as thoroughly as I would have liked. Also gay.
17) John Quincy Adams... "Quincy"??? So, so gay.
18) Paul Lynde... made me lose a fortune in cash and prizes when I was a contestant on Hollywood squares.
19) That gay little Ewok who died near the end of The Return of The Jedi... gay.
20) Jesus Christ... Probably straight, but was way too liberal, hung out with the wrong crowd, disrespected the Sabbath, and consistently showed unconditional love towards all the people I hate. "

the five things i fell in love with today...

1) Churches that go out of their way to love their neighbors.
2) It always meant a lot to me-- how Jesus would hang out with the people who were otherwise ignored. I love that about Him.
3) Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul...during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo.

Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them both.” Who or what was he referring to?
Paul Lynde: His fans.

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?

4) Last night I spent about four hours on the phone, cracking up with my amiga C.K. Dexter Haven. She's pretty amazing, and has become a great friend to me in a short period of time. I'm very thankful for people like her in my life. Thanks, Dex.
5) Elizabeth Edwards. May she rest in peace.

song of the night...
"All you need is love" by The Beatles

movie of the night...
"The Passion of the Christ"

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